From ages 4-13, my older brother exposed me to pornography. He would also touch me inappropriately (inserting fingers into my buttocks area) even when I told him to stop, and made sexual comments about my body when I went through puberty, which continues today. I'm trying to understand if these behaviors constitute sexual abuse or if they were just inappropriate sibling interactions. Can you help me understand the nature of these experiences?

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your experience with us. What you've described - being shown pornography from age 4, experiencing unwanted touching that continued despite saying "stop," and receiving sexual comments about your developing body - are all serious boundary violations. Your brother may have viewed his actions as teasing or play, and might not have understood the impact of his behavior, particularly if he was young himself or had been exposed to inappropriate content. However, his intent or understanding doesn't minimize the effect these experiences had on you.

Showing pornography to a young child exposes them to sexual content long before they are developmentally ready to understand it. This exposure can be particularly impactful when it starts at such a young age and continues through crucial developmental stages. The physical violations you described - your brother continuing to touch you inappropriately even after you explicitly said "stop" - represent clear violations of your bodily autonomy and right to consent. The ongoing sexual comments about your body, especially during the vulnerable time of puberty, add another layer of boundary violation.

Only you can decide how to categorize or label these experiences. Some people find that naming their experiences helps them process and heal, while others prefer not to use specific labels - both approaches are equally valid. What matters most is how these experiences have affected you and what kind of support you need now, regardless of your brother's intentions at the time.

Your feelings of discomfort and uncertainty about these experiences are completely valid. If you would like support in processing these experiences and their impact on you, a trauma-informed therapist can provide a safe space to explore these feelings without imposing any particular narrative or labels. 

Remember, your feelings are valid, regardless of intent. Thank you for reaching out to us and trusting us with this. You are not alone.