At 15, my adoptive mother sent me to live with my sister's adoptive family. They provided stability and care I'd never had. My sister's adoptive father took special interest in me, becoming like a dad I never had. During a 'father-daughter movie night,' he sexually assaulted me. I froze and complied, not from desire but trying to maintain some control. The abuse continued for 2.5 months until his wife discovered it. My adoptive mother blamed me. I struggle with guilt for not fighting back, telling myself I was protecting his younger daughter. How do I process this trauma and understand my response?

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I am so sorry that this happened to you. My heart breaks for your younger self. You did not deserve it and I want you to know that you're not alone in this journey.

I want to start by naming that what happened to you was certainly sexual abuse. It was not your fault. Your response - freezing and complying - is a natural trauma response known as "fawning," which exists alongside the better-known fight, flight, and freeze responses. This is your brain's survival mechanism activating, especially in situations where the abuser holds power and authority. The overwhelming pressure, fear of losing your newfound sense of belonging, and the desire to protect others in the household can all contribute to this response.

The situation you described involves a calculated abuse of power and betrayal of trust. Your sister's adoptive father engaged in grooming behavior - deliberately building an emotional connection and exploiting your natural need for paternal love and stability. It sounds like he manipulated your vulnerability and took advantage of the trust you placed in him. This kind of predatory behavior is designed to create confusion and self-doubt in survivors.

Your feeling that you "complied" in the abuse is a form of self-blame that many survivors experience. It's important to understand that any actions you took were in the context of a severe power imbalance. At 15, you were navigating complex emotions, previous trauma, and a deep longing for stability and acceptance. Going along with the abuse might have felt like a way to regain some sense of control in an overwhelming situation, but this was a survival mechanism, not consent.

The response you received from your adoptive mother - blaming you instead of protecting you - was deeply wrong and may have reinforced these feelings of guilt. You deserved support, protection, and understanding. Instead, you were left to carry this burden alone, even taking on the weight of trying to protect his younger daughter. While this shows your remarkable capacity for empathy, no child should ever have to make such choices.

To continue to process this experience, it might be helpful to work with a trauma-informed therapist who specializes in sexual abuse recovery. They can help you process these experiences and develop healthy coping strategies. RAINN's confidential hotline and chatline (800.656.HOPE) can connect you with local support services and resources. You deserve professional support as you navigate this healing journey.

You showed incredible resilience in unimaginably difficult circumstances. Your feelings are valid, your reactions were normal responses to an abnormal situation, and you deserve compassion - especially from yourself. Healing is possible. Thank you for trusting us with this. You are not alone.