After being groomed as a teen by someone older, all the relationships I seek out are with people around the same age as my assailant. I just don’t feel attracted to others. Is this normal. Can it be healthy?

Thank you for sharing your experience with us. It takes courage to open up about such a sensitive and personal topic. I want you to know that your feelings and experiences are valid, and you're not alone in what you're going through.

It's not uncommon for survivors of grooming and sexual abuse to be drawn to partners similar in age to their assailant. This pattern often stems from the trauma you experienced during a formative time in your life. I understand that might feel distressing or confusing. Let me expand on some potential reasons why you might be feeling this way....

The intense experiences during the grooming process can create a strong psychological connection to that type of person, even if it was harmful. Your brain might associate people of that age with feelings of attraction or intimacy because that's what you experienced during a crucial developmental period. Sometimes, survivors unconsciously seek out similar situations to try to "rewrite" their traumatic experiences or gain a sense of control over them. The grooming process may have also shaped your understanding of what relationships should look like, making similar dynamics feel "normal" even if they may not necessarily be healthy.

I want to emphasize that these feelings aren't your fault. They're common responses to trauma. However, recognizing these patterns is a significant step towards healing. While this attraction pattern is understandable given your experiences, it's crucial to prioritize your safety and well-being above all else. This applies to both your physical and emotional safety.

There's no universal "normal" when it comes to attraction and relationships after trauma. The key is whether your current relationship patterns feel safe and fulfilling to you. If they're causing distress or you feel they're holding you back, that could be a sign to seek support. Working with a trauma-informed therapist can be incredibly helpful. They can assist you in processing your experiences safely, developing healthier relationship patterns, building self-esteem, learning to recognize and maintain personal boundaries, and exploring what healthy, fulfilling relationships look like for you.

Remember, healing is possible, and you deserve relationships that are safe, respectful, and nurturing. Your journey of healing is your own, and it's okay to take it one step at a time. If you'd like information on support resources or how to find a qualified therapist, please don't hesitate to ask. You've already shown great strength by reaching out and questioning these patterns. That's an important step towards healing and creating the healthy, fulfilling relationships you deserve. Thank you for trusting us with your experiences. You are not alone.