About 6 months ago while on vacation with a friend and her family, her older half-brother (34) made advances at me (21) in a hot tub when my friend wasn't looking. The next morning, I woke up to him standing over me. He got on top of me, removed our clothes, locked the door, and had sexual contact with me. I was completely frozen during this—I couldn't move or speak. When it was over, I was in pain and bleeding. I didn't tell anyone except another friend on the trip, believing it was consensual since I didn't stop it. When that friend told my other friend (his relative), she became furious with me. Since then, I've been in therapy twice weekly with monthly psychiatric visits. At first, I could occasionally go out with a close friend, but recently I've become unable to leave the house for social events. I still go to work and school, but when I tried to join my sister's birthday celebration, I broke down crying. Why can't I go out socially? Am I overreacting after 6 months? I still blame myself and think about it daily. When will I feel safe going out again, and how do I know things will improve?

I'm so sorry to hear about what you've been experiencing. What you've been through is deeply traumatic, and I want you to know that everything you're feeling right now is completely valid. What happened that morning wasn't your fault in any way. When your body froze, it wasn't giving consent—it was protecting you in the only way it could at that moment. This freeze response is a natural, involuntary reaction to trauma that many survivors experience. Your body was looking out for you, even when you couldn't consciously respond.

Please know that there's absolutely no timeline for healing from something like this. The fact that you're still struggling after six months doesn't mean you're overreacting or doing anything wrong—it means you're a human being processing a profound violation. The fact that you can go to work and school already shows incredible strength and resilience on your part.

The self-blame you're feeling is something almost every survivor experiences, but I want to gently remind you that nothing about this situation—not finding him attractive, not the circumstances of the trip, nothing—made what he did okay or your responsibility. He made a deliberate choice to violate your boundaries and trust.

When you broke down before your sister's celebration, that was your body and mind communicating that they're still healing, still processing. Those tears are not weakness—they're part of your healing journey. Each time you try, even if it doesn't work out as planned, you're taking a brave step forward.

The path to feeling safe again isn't straight or predictable, but many survivors do find their way back to joy, connection, and feeling secure in the world again. Your work with your therapist is creating the foundation for that healing. On days when it feels impossible, try to be as gentle with yourself as you would be with someone you love deeply who was going through the same thing.

The small victories matter enormously—getting dressed, putting on makeup, even considering going out. Each of these moments is evidence of your courage and your heart's desire to reclaim your life. Hold onto that, and know that with continued support and deep self-compassion, the weight of this trauma will gradually become lighter to carry.

You deserve all the time and space you need to heal, and you absolutely deserve to feel safe and whole again. That day will come, even if the path there has many twists and turns. Thank you for trusting us with this. Healing is possible.