#871

When I was 4 years old, me, my mom and my brother lived with my grandmother. During this time, my mom took me to a babysitter who was right up the street from where my grandmother lived. My brother is 6 years older so he wasn't with me. The babysitter she would take me to had two sons, who were 13 years old. I would have to go to the basement with her sons, while the infants stayed upstairs with her. Before it was just me, there were other kids around my age. now, I can't fully remember when it first started, but I do remember it was me and another girl and he would have us lay on the couch side by side. He would then put the covers over and make us play with his private part. He then would tell us to turn around and while he pulled our pants down and inserted his private area, and the tell us to face him and did the same thing. He also would put it in our mouths, all while his brother was on the floor playing video games. I remember after a while I was the only 4 year old there. So he would do the same thing to be everyday, for how long? I honestly don't remember. The most memorable thing I remember him doing was inserting his penis in my mouth until I gagged. And of course in my butt and vagina area as well. The thing was that always got me, was that he was nice to me. I didn't know that I would have had to pay for the kindness. I remember him taking me to the bathroom and he would stay in there with me. I was potty trained. I do remember being uncomfortable with him in there with me. As scared as i was to go to the basement everyday, I remembered I asked his brother where he was. and he told me and he then of course told me to come here and he cuddled me, and not long after did what he always did. I don't remember how long it was, but i do remember the last time he ever did anything to me. I had on my favorite white Winnie the Pooh short jumper. He was about to take them off me and I told him " my mommy said I can't". And he was telling me to shush. Now, even though he didn't proceed to take off my jumper, he still put his penis in my mouth like always until I gagged. That day my mom got me and we were walking up to my grandmothers door, I remember trying to tell my mom, and i was scared because I told her i don't want to get spanking. A 4 year old thinking its her fault and she would get in trouble for something that was happening to her. So I told my mom what happened and i thank God she believed me. Unfortunately, it wasn't the last time i would get touched on. by kindergarten during reading time, there were two boys who would go under some girls dresses and touch their butts. I unfortunately, was accustomed to it that I didn't even mind it. it was familiar. By 6 years old, two sisters at my church at the time, would then show me how to tongue kiss. One was kissing me and other was told by her sister to kiss/lick my private area. at the time i didn't think it was fully wrong because we were around the same age and they were females. I would then think this was okay as long as it was with other females. Until my my moms best friend caught me and some other girls dry humping and she told me that was nasty. I didn't have anyone tell me that, but once she did I didn't do it again. I shamed myself for so long, even tho I didn't know and I was so young. Other things transpired throughout my life and even as an adult, I was afraid to tell anyone no, especially men. IF they wanted sex, i just let it happen. Growing up, I didn't like older men touching me or even complimenting me because of what happened. I understand that, everyone involved was more than likely abused as well, because no child should know how to perform sexual acts.