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Survivor story
You are worth happiness.
Original story
Message to a Survivor
I want anyone who is in a situation of abuse to know there is nothing more important than finding a way out. There are sites that are abuse friendly , (browsers) that dont track your computer history of getting help so abusers dont know your escaping. There are neighbors who if they knew , they would help you leave. (my neighbor saved my life with a bicycle pump). There are family , and friends who are on your side. You are also worth it, and any depression you may have is not worth staying in a bad relationship to keep being depressed. You deserve happiness, a better life.
Message of Healing
Healing is completely subjective , everyone handles trauma differently. It took me several years of therapy, years of singlehood; and a lot of personal growth. I didn't completely change right after i left my abuser. I had a lot to learn over time about life. I still made a few bad choices after in life. The real highlight from all that i went thru is an empathy towards others, and a bigger picture of what the world is really like. I know life will never be as bad as it was living with my abuser. I knew if i stayed he would have killed me.
What started out as agreeing to a first date from a mutual friend, ended in a stalker, turned abuser. He was a smart man who gaslighted me all the way to the alter. The first instance of abuse was pretty severe. I had just left the house we shared when he chased after me and began to rip me out of my car as to prevent me from leaving. Over the next year, he quit his jobs twice, moved us four times and left me on a bathroom floor for over 7 hours in hospital level kidney stone pain. I realized he did not care for my well being; so i made up my mind to leave him. It took me 5 tries to leave. The worst attempt was him finding my packed bags, and immediately he grabbed my phone, grabbed my wrist and began a hour long battle over chasing me to take away my freedom to leave the house. This relationship was based in kidnapping me, keeping my freedom away from me. I am so glad i am free now. I did years of therapy after wards. If i could give any advice; listen to your gut when it tells you someone is not for you.
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Grounding activity
Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:
5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)
4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)
3 – things you can hear
2 – things you can smell
1 – thing you like about yourself.
Take a deep breath to end.
From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.
Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).
Take a deep breath to end.
Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:
1. Where am I?
2. What day of the week is today?
3. What is today’s date?
4. What is the current month?
5. What is the current year?
6. How old am I?
7. What season is it?
Take a deep breath to end.
Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.
Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.
Take a deep breath to end.
Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.
Take a deep breath to end.