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Survivor story
You are loved. It is not your fault and I believe you.
Original story
Message to a Survivor
I just want you to know that even if you feel completely alone, please know that mother earth is here for you. Go on a little nature walk and you will feel her breath on your neck. She will send birds to sing in your ear and leaves to flutter onto your head. She is saying she loves you so much and knows you will one day be able to pick yourself up in your own time and be the strong person you have always been. Please take a deep breath of fresh air while sending loving thoughts to yourself and you will feel better. It is not your fault and I believe you.
Message of Healing
Healing means healing both my partner and I due to the damage I have caused our relationship and him. It also means getting outside and enjoying what I love in life- food and eating well, being active, nature, hiking, the beach, plants, soil, sand, reading, my fish. It also means I am able to regulate my emotions and heal myself.
I was sexually assaulted at work in 2018. Then in 2020 it happened again but with stalking and threats. Every time I reported I was demonized and retaliated against. The second harassment and subsequent legal route I took resulted in me having a nervous breakdown and becoming agoraphobic and unable to drive my car reliably amongst many other "unables", not to mention damaging my relationship with my partner who has been with me every step of the way. This stress I was undergoing juxtaposed against my family's inability to support me (due to their own mental health problems/ dysfunctional nature and generational trauma that they had passed to me) brought up old childhood traumas that I was not ready to handle. This all is said to you while I am sitting on the toilet for the 10th time today, a side affects of the GERD and IBS that I was gifted with due to this toxic stress I am saddled with. To this day I am still struggling to become employed as well as struggling to reduce my self harm and suicidal thoughts that have increased since the start.
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Grounding activity
Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:
5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)
4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)
3 – things you can hear
2 – things you can smell
1 – thing you like about yourself.
Take a deep breath to end.
From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.
Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).
Take a deep breath to end.
Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:
1. Where am I?
2. What day of the week is today?
3. What is today’s date?
4. What is the current month?
5. What is the current year?
6. How old am I?
7. What season is it?
Take a deep breath to end.
Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.
Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.
Take a deep breath to end.
Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.
Take a deep breath to end.