wish there was a time machine

I have had feelings for a guy for a long time. He was always sweet, he would hug me goodbye sometimes. he told me he was a very empathetic person and would feel my emotions, if i was anxious or sad he would feel it. I didn't love him but i thought i could be with him romantically and i didn't care if we lasted 3 months or 1 year i wanted to try things and take risks for once. On our last date he took me to his home, we engage in sexual activity. At the very last moment, i regretted it and told him i wasn't ready for sex. He told me if i didn't have sex with him then i was never going to be able to have sex (mind you it was my first time). I couldn't handle the pain of his thing entering my body. i told him to stop thankfully he did, but he told me to perform oral, i did. although i wasn't in the mood anymore. I started bleeding and told him and he just shrugged his shoulders and told me to but my clothes back on. he got very angry at me because i couldn't perform well to satisfy him. After our sexual encounter he began to behave extremely rude and couldn't comprehend my feelings, he made me feel insane for feeling hurt and betrayed. i told him i was obviously not going to be an expert my first time and begged him to have patience with me and that i was willing to try things again but he told me i was just an anxious person not worth his time. i hate that i still have feelings for him despite everything he is, i feel emotionally and physically attached to him. i want to get over him but i cant i feel guilt and cant stop crying since our encounter.