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The days when you feel like staying up until the sunrises because you're too afraid of the night now will slowly start to decrease in frequency. You won't always be checking behind your shoulder, expecting the worst. One day, you'll be able to actually look at your naked body in the mirror and know that its yours, and know that its beautiful.
Healing means deciding to live fully without fear in spite of what happened to you. It's not being afraid when you see a man thats 5'10 with a hat on. It's being ok with your past. It's being ok with knowing that you're probably going to have to live with it forever.
I remember the morning after. I don't quite remember the night before. Or really just hours before. But i remember waking up and not knowing why I wanted to stand in the shower for hours. Letting the hottest setting of water i could handle turn my body a deeper shade of red than your hands left it. I remember wanting to scrub myself so hard, until i left bruises with my own hands, next to the ones yours left. I don't quite remember the morning before, but i will always remember the morning after. this is just something i wrote trying to describe the way i felt. Not the story, because i cant say that part yet.
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Grounding activity
Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:
5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)
4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)
3 – things you can hear
2 – things you can smell
1 – thing you like about yourself.
Take a deep breath to end.
From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.
Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).
Take a deep breath to end.
Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:
1. Where am I?
2. What day of the week is today?
3. What is today’s date?
4. What is the current month?
5. What is the current year?
6. How old am I?
7. What season is it?
Take a deep breath to end.
Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.
Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.
Take a deep breath to end.
Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.
Take a deep breath to end.