I believe it started when I was I like around the age of 4 or 5 i don't know what exactly happened first but the 2 things I remember happening before things got serious was when I accidentally finding a porn video on my mom's iPad I think but something I also remember was when I was at one my grandma's mansions (I come from a very wealthy family) and what I remember was that it was me, my cousin, and my 2 uncles who were probably around the age of 17-26 at the time and while we were watching the movie a sex scene was about to come on and one of my uncles had taken me out of the living room and had brought me outside and I remember my grandma having a security guard at the time and when my uncle had brought me outside he held my hand and was walking me to the other side of the mansion to bring me inside of his room but on the way to his room the security guard had asked him why he was walking around with me and I can't seem to really remember what exactly my uncle had said to the security guard but he had something about taking me to his room to do some work well something like that and the security guard told him ok and let him take me to his room a few minutes passed I think I remember my uncle opening the door to see if the security guard had left and he came back into his room and that's when things took a turn I don't really seem to remember how everything happened because i've trauma blocked that situation from my mind but what I can remember is him making me suck it....I remember vomiting like 2-3 pills I can't remember if he was the one who had given me the pills or if I had them a earlier that day but when I vomited the pills they looked partially dissolved after he cleaned up the vomit and made me to continue but I kept vomiting even more so he stopped and cleaned up the mess I don't remember anything else happening after that I believe I had just went to sleep or something. Well I think that was the first time something like that had happened to me and it didn't stop there it had happened again I remember living in an apartment with my mom and she had maids who would come to clean around the place, and my mom still keeps in contact with the maids they talk once in a while but the apartment we lived in was connected to another apartment on the side and I remember that the neighbor we had was a lady probably around the age of 29-36 and she had a son and one day I was playing outside with her son and we went inside of the apartment because it was raining I think and then after we played house and that when he started touching me all over my body and I think he was kissing me or trying to kiss me, I won't just let him take all of the blame because I had also touched him back only because I was curious and wondered how things were like but we didn't do anything else he stopped when his mom called him by our names and told us that my mom said that it was time to go home. Nothing happened for a little while I think me and my mom ended up moving to America to live with my dad so everything that had happened to me before stopped for a while but it started again when I was in kindergarten and what I remember was me and like maybe 3 other people were playing house during indoor recess and the girl wanted to play house so she made me the dad and she was the mom and I remember her kissing me and making out with me after we stopped and nothing else had happened, I was 5 or 6 when this had happened when I was around the age of 7 or 8 I remember that me and my parents and little sister would go to family cookouts and me and my cousins would all go and play in the yard or play inside of the house but some things I remember happening at some of these cookouts were my cousins groping me, humping me, touching my butt, my chest, and kissing me, I didn't really want to allow it but because I was a kid that was young and wanted to have fun and explore new things I allowed these things to happen and it got to the point that it happened so often to me that I even introduced it to other kids and thinking about makes me sick to my stomach, I remember when my church would hold special events like cookout or a party and I remember the church was separated one side for the children for Sunday school and one side for the adults I remember my church had like a party but everybody was outside and I remember my moms friends nephew taking me to the side of the church that was for the kids and he took me to the room and and it was dark inside of the room and that's when he started touching me and humping me and kissing me I guess I sort of did the same thing back to him but he was the one who was on top of me I remember that he was running around earlier so I could smell his sweat when he was on top on me eventually he had stopped and we left the room and I continued playing with all my cousins and played tag with them and acted like nothing had happened, my childhood friend is dating the boy that had did this to me and she get's mad when I say I don't like the fact she's with him she doesn't know the exact reason why because I don't plan on telling her so i'll just let her be in her happy relationship, this was the first time anything like that had happened to me inside of the church about 4 more kids would do the same thing to me and I would let it happen because I thought it was ok so I ended up doing it back to them. Something I strongly remember but just don't want to remember was when my aunt used to babysit me and my cousins and we would sometimes do stuff to each other I remember when my cousins had started touching me and he started kissing me under the blanket when his older brother was in the room and then after we started touching each other and we left the room and we were in the living room and we were still under the blanket and I was laying down on the floor and m cousin started kissing me again and then I sucked his you know... and then after I layed back down on the ground he pulled my pants down and he took off his pants and he was about to put it in me and that's when my mom had knocked on the door and he got off of me and we put our pants back on, thinking about this still haunts me and disgusts me because I let stuff like this happen to me at such a young age and also because everyone in my life had somewhat failed me so I ended up doing the same to other kids because I was curious and wanted to see what certain things were like. Some of the people who have either did things to me or I did stuff to are my age and I go to school with one of them and the rest of them I only see them at parties or if I randomly see them in public and it's kind of triggering to see them but I learned how to cope and I try not to think about stuff like this but it still haunts me. I don't even wish this upon my worst enemy I didn't deserve to go through this, nobody deserves to go through stuff like this. For me right now I just really need someone to talk to but I have nobody, eventually i'll find someone that has my full trust and i'll tell them everything so I could get this off my chest and hopefully heal and I hope my bond with God gets better and all I can ask God for is forgiveness I feel like a terrible person because I never really seemed to care about me being touched over and over again I only care because I had done it to other people it and honestly hurts me...