I believe I was sexually assaulted when I was younger or maybe I am to blame.

When I was 9 years old, I was at a place when I wanted to figure out what gender I was into. This phase quickly lasted for about 2, 3, or 4 months (I don't really know at all) because of my last encounter. I am a woman, but I had a female cousin who was 12 at the time. Before her, I was also briefly kissing only a few other girls because I wanted to know if I like them or not. But after I went to my female cousin's house, I never liked girls again. One of the things I've always hated my whole life and even now was that I didn't like it when people would see me naked. I feel really uncomfortable with people looking at me when I have little clothing on that people can easily see my body in such a state. I just always hated that, I only felt this way after I was 4 or 5 years old. I was a huge people pleaser my entire life and I was never taught to create boundaries with people. So if someone asked me to do something and I didn't want to do it, I would do it anyways because I wouldn't want them to get mad and yell at me because it would make me feel like I've hurt their feelings. As a 9 year old, I of course did not like hurting other's feelings because it was very rude. I did kiss her, but then she started to get more.....weird. She then started to take my pants off and my first reaction was to tell her no, I don't like it when people see me like that. I was very uncomfortable at this time. Then she said it was okay and that it wouldn't hurt and that it'll "feel good." I think she was already at puberty but I wasn't and I didn't want those things. She kept saying that it was okay and I can't remember anything else. All I know were these words because she repeated them the most. I told her I really didn't want to, but she insisted so much that I had begun to feel pressured. I didn't want to hurt her feelings so I complied and let her take me pants off. She then took my under wears off even though I didn't want them off. I eventually said, "Okay, you can do it, but only for a little while." When she put her mouth on my private, I didn't feel anything at all. (At this moment I was thinking about when she said it would feel good, but I didn't feel anything at all). I was very much uncomfortable so I told her to stop, then I slid my pants back on. I wanted to cry but not really. All I know was that I was very uncomfortable and wanted to leave and go home. I didn't want my day to be like this. I never shared this with anyone and I never plan to, but I wonder, am I in the wrong for agreeing to her demands? I know if I had told my back then family, they would've just shamed me for being into the same gender. I don't know what to do with this information. Help me better understand this.