#806

TW: CSA The beginning… It started when I was 11yo. My mom had left us after cheating on my dad with my best friend’s father. She just left me. I was so afraid and so alone. I cried every night. And one night he got tired of hearing it. I remember every moment until he was on top of me and then inside of me. Everything went dark. And then I woke up to the morning sun, my nightgown on the floor next to my underwear. My flower sheets wet and bloody. My brain did not understand what had happened. Only that I was alone and afraid. In just one night, I went from having a dad to being his fill in wife. I couldn’t understand what was happening but my life started falling to pieces. My mom tried to commit suicide. The visits at night became more frequent. My only solace was to go to school and then to my babysitter’s house. She had a grandson around my same age. I’d been going there since I was a baby so, in a way, we grew up together. But we grew and we developed and he suddenly became very curious and interested in knowing my body. From that point on, I knew my body would never belong to me… This is just the beginning of my story. Just scratching the surface. To be honest the older I got the worse the abuse got. No one ever stopped it but I did meet some angels who taught me love and goodness along the way. They are the little hope I cling to, but to be honest most days I feel incredibly alone and broken. Being a survivor of incest and CSA is complicated and painful, every moment of every day. I hope by sharing my story I can feel less alone and help someone else to feel less alone along the way.