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Survivor story
#1238
Original story
Message to a Survivor
My hope comes from doing what I can for those who were dealt worse hands than me in the aftermath of their sexual abuse as a child. Not to mitigate the experience I went through, but I know I am personally more well-off than others having gone through a similar situation, as fucked up as I still am.
I don't think I can enjoy sex with any current partner without (consensually) engaging in a context that recreates my past abuse. The only things that "gets me going" involve me being taken advantage of. I feel very confused about it all and I don't know how to even go about processing it. I work in mental health, and everything I have learned - and even help clients through - revolves around the abnormality of experiencing sexual trauma as a child. Nobody should have to experience sexual abuse, and I understand that our responses to it are as common and varied as the weather. However, I feel such a significant dissonance between my sexual desires and my logical thoughts about everything. I feel like its not normal to feel any kind of enjoyment from a situation that essentially puts me in a place of powerlessness. Especially in a work environment where I have to constantly hear about how much similar experiences have negatively affected others on a daily basis. Part of me feels like I got the best side of the shit-coin. Being able to look back on that experience and find some type of benefit from it now, despite how it forces me to be in the same situation to enjoy sex.
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Grounding activity
Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:
5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)
4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)
3 – things you can hear
2 – things you can smell
1 – thing you like about yourself.
Take a deep breath to end.
From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.
Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).
Take a deep breath to end.
Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:
1. Where am I?
2. What day of the week is today?
3. What is today’s date?
4. What is the current month?
5. What is the current year?
6. How old am I?
7. What season is it?
Take a deep breath to end.
Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.
Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.
Take a deep breath to end.
Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.
Take a deep breath to end.