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Is it considered sexual assault if the person didn’t touch me, but manipulated me into touching myself in front of them, while they did too?
Answer by Dr. Laura
PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner
Thank you for sharing this difficult experience with us. What you've described can indeed be considered a form of sexual assault or abuse. Manipulating someone into engaging in sexual activities, even without physical contact, is a violation of consent and personal boundaries. Only you can label your experience, however.
Consent should always be freely given, enthusiastic, and without any form of pressure, manipulation, or coercion. If someone manipulates or pressures you into touching yourself for their gratification, they are disregarding your autonomy and violating your right to make choices about your own body.
It's understandable to feel confused or uncertain about how to label what happened. Many people in similar situations struggle with these feelings. Please know that your feelings are valid and healing is possible.
If you're feeling upset, distressed, or unsure about how this experience has affected you, it might be helpful to talk to a trusted friend, family member, or a trauma-informed therapist. They can provide support and help you process your feelings. You deserve to feel safe and respected in all your interactions. What happened was not your fault. Thank you for trusting us with this. You are not alone.
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Grounding activity
Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:
5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)
4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)
3 – things you can hear
2 – things you can smell
1 – thing you like about yourself.
Take a deep breath to end.
From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.
Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).
Take a deep breath to end.
Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:
1. Where am I?
2. What day of the week is today?
3. What is today’s date?
4. What is the current month?
5. What is the current year?
6. How old am I?
7. What season is it?
Take a deep breath to end.
Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.
Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.
Take a deep breath to end.
Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.
Take a deep breath to end.