Is a partner/spouse entitled to know about past sexual experiences or trauma, including incidents that occurred during childhood?

Thank you for asking this question. No partner or spouse is automatically "entitled" to know everything about your past, including childhood sexual experiences or trauma. What you choose to share within your relationship is ultimately your decision, based on your comfort level, sense of safety, and the context of your relationship.

You have complete autonomy over your personal experiences and the decision to share them. Your healing journey is deeply personal, and you have the right to determine who you share your story with, if anyone. This is not about withholding information—it's about honoring your own boundaries and psychological safety.

Many people find that selectively sharing difficult past experiences with a trusted partner can deepen intimacy and help their partner understand certain reactions or triggers. Others prefer to keep this information private. Both choices are entirely valid. What's most important is that you prioritize your comfort and well-being.

When considering whether to share sensitive information, reflect on your motivations and potential outcomes. Are you sharing to build intimacy and trust? To explain certain reactions or boundaries? Or do you feel pressured or obligated? A healthy relationship should provide space for both sharing and privacy, without demands for complete disclosure.

Remember, choosing not to disclose your experience does not diminish its significance or your progress in healing. You are not obligated to share details of your past, and making that decision can be a form of self-care. If and when you feel ready to talk about it, you can do so on your own terms and at your own pace.

If you decide to share, consider starting with a "trust-building conversation" by explaining that you have something difficult to discuss and setting some parameters about how you'd like your partner to respond. You might also consider sharing with the support of a couples therapist who can help navigate the conversation and any emotional reactions.

Please be gentle with yourself as you navigate this decision. You deserve compassion, understanding, and respect for your choices. Whatever you decide, know that your feelings are valid, and you are not alone in facing these difficult choices about disclosure and intimacy. Thank you so much for trusting us with this. We appreciate you.