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Answer by Dr. Laura
PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner
Thank you for reaching out to us during this incredibly difficult and exhausting time. What you're experiencing right now is profoundly challenging, and I want you to know that every feeling you're having - the frustration, disappointment, anger, and weariness - is completely valid and understandable. Waiting for sentencing is emotionally draining under the best of circumstances, and having it rescheduled four or five times feels like a cruel extension of your pain. You're absolutely right that this isn't fair, and I'm so sorry the system is failing you in this way.
You've shown tremendous courage in getting to this point, and each postponement must feel like another blow when you've already summoned so much strength. The repeated delays can reopen wounds and trigger feelings that may echo your original trauma, leaving you feeling powerless all over again. Your nervous system has likely prepared for this monumental day multiple times, and having that emotional energy feel wasted with each reschedule is genuinely heartbreaking. Please know that your exhaustion and frustration don't make you weak - they make you human.
While the court's timeline remains frustratingly out of your control, there are gentle ways to nurture yourself and reclaim small pieces of your power during this waiting period. Self- and community-care isn't just important right now - it's essential. This might look like wrapping yourself in activities that bring even moments of peace: a warm bath, time in nature, creative expression, or simply allowing yourself to rest without guilt. Sometimes the most radical act of self-care is giving yourself permission to feel exactly what you're feeling without judgment.
If you have access to a victim advocate, they can be invaluable in helping you understand what's happening behind the scenes and ensuring your voice is heard in this process. Connecting with a trauma-informed counselor or support group can provide a sacred space where your experience is truly understood. Other survivors who've walked this path often carry wisdom about navigating these impossible delays, and their companionship can remind you that you're not alone in this struggle.
You deserve so much better than this prolonged uncertainty. You deserve closure, peace, and the chance to move forward on your own terms. While you wait for that day to come, please remember that you are surrounded by people who believe in you, who see your strength even when you can't feel it, and who are holding space for your healing. Please be as kind to yourself. We are thinking about you.
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Grounding activity
Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:
5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)
4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)
3 – things you can hear
2 – things you can smell
1 – thing you like about yourself.
Take a deep breath to end.
From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.
Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).
Take a deep breath to end.
Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:
1. Where am I?
2. What day of the week is today?
3. What is today’s date?
4. What is the current month?
5. What is the current year?
6. How old am I?
7. What season is it?
Take a deep breath to end.
Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.
Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.
Take a deep breath to end.
Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.
Take a deep breath to end.