I'm confused about terminology. Some people tell me what happened was rape, and others say it's sexual assault. When I was a child, someone pushed me to the ground, forcibly removed my clothing, held me down, and performed oral sex on me without my consent. Can someone help me understand these terms?

I'm so sorry this happened to you. What you experienced was a serious violation, and I want you to know that the confusion you're feeling about terminology is completely understandable. 

The truth is that different places use these terms differently. In some states or countries, "rape" has a legal definition that only includes penetration with a penis, while other places define it more broadly to include any forced sexual penetration--including with tongues, fingers, or objects. "Sexual assault" is typically used as an umbrella term that covers a wide range of unwanted sexual contact, from groping to rape. What you described, being forcibly held down while someone performed oral sex on you as a child, would be considered a serious sexual assault everywhere, and in many jurisdictions, it would legally qualify as rape. When he pushed you down, removed your clothing, and used his mouth and hands on you while holding you there, he crossed a line in a deeply harmful way that was forced on you against your will.

The fact that this happened when you were a child adds additional layers of concern and complexity. Children cannot consent to sexual contact under any circumstances. Your age alone meant you were inherently unable to agree to what happened, and the responsibility for this violation rests entirely with the person who harmed you. Child sexual abuse often carries profound impacts because it happens during crucial developmental years when you're forming your understanding of safety, trust, and boundaries. The power imbalance inherent in being a child made you especially vulnerable, and what happened to you was not only a violation but also a betrayal of the protection and care you deserved.

The word you choose to describe your experience is entirely up to you. Some survivors feel the word "rape" captures the gravity of what happened to them. Others prefer "sexual assault" or "abuse." Some don't use any specific label at all and simply describe what happened. All of these choices are valid, and you get to decide what feels most accurate and comfortable for you. The terminology doesn't change the reality of what you endured or the impact it's had on you.

What matters most is that you experienced something deeply traumatic as a child. Someone violated your body, your boundaries, and your safety in a way that no child should ever experience. It's painful and frightening to think about someone doing this to you, especially when you were young. Your reactions (whether they've been fear, anger, confusion, or even numbness) are valid responses to something that should never have happened in the first place. It's also common to question what happened or to wonder if the distress you feel means you're "overreacting," but the fact that you're still feeling affected tells you it was serious and that it mattered. You did not deserve this, and it wasn't your fault.

Your body and your story belong to you, and you get to name your experience in whatever way feels right. If you're seeking support or resources, most crisis centers and therapists understand that survivors use different terms, and they'll respect however you choose to talk about what happened to you. Speaking with someone who truly understands how trauma works can bring a sense of relief and help you process these feelings in a way that feels safe. You deserve to be heard, believed, and supported every step of the way. You're not alone in this, and there are people who genuinely want to help you find a path toward healing.