If one cousin was 13 and another cousin was 5, and the older child initiated kissing, asked both of them to expose themselves to each other, and continued kissing, would this be considered COCSA? It happened one time.

Thank you for reaching out with this question. I can hear that you're trying to understand what happened and how to label this experience, which is an important part of processing.

COCSA (Child-on-Child Sexual Abuse) typically refers to sexual interactions between children where there is a significant age or developmental gap, coercion, force, or where one child doesn't understand or cannot consent to what's happening. The situation you're describing does involve a significant age difference—13 and 5 represent very different developmental stages. A 5-year-old cannot meaningfully consent to sexual behaviors because they don't have the cognitive or emotional capacity to understand what those behaviors mean. The 13-year-old, being significantly older and more developmentally advanced, would have had more power and understanding in that dynamic.

The behaviors you mentioned (kissing, asking for exposure, and continued physical contact) are sexual in nature. When there's an age gap of this size and these types of behaviors are initiated by the older child, many professionals would consider this to fall under the category of COCSA. The fact that it happened once doesn't necessarily change whether it could be considered harmful or abusive, though it may impact how both individuals experienced and remember it.

It's important to recognize that the 13-year-old may have also been navigating their own experiences, confusion, or even their own exposure to sexual content or trauma. This doesn't excuse the behavior, but it can be part of understanding the complexity of what happened. What matters most is acknowledging the impact this had on everyone involved and ensuring that both individuals have support if they need it.

If you were the younger child in this situation, please know that what happened was not your fault. You were too young to be responsible for what occurred. If you were the older child, it's possible to hold yourself accountable while also recognizing that 13-year-olds are still children who may act out sexually for various reasons, including their own trauma or lack of understanding about boundaries. Both perspectives deserve compassion and space for healing.