I was non consensually touched in my sensitive areas and I think I felt an arousal. After that I got very guilty and started harming myself. Can you help me with this?

I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through such a difficult experience. Being touched without your consent is a serious violation of your body, and it's completely understandable that you're feeling a mix of powerful emotions right now. I want to underscore that experiencing physical arousal during non-consensual touch is a natural and involuntary response that many people have. It doesn't mean you wanted it to happen or that you're at fault in any way. Try to be gentle with yourself and I will try to help the best I can.

When someone experiences trauma, especially sexual trauma, the brain and body respond in complex ways that can feel confusing and distressing. On a physiological level, our bodies have automatic responses to touch that operate independently of our conscious wishes or emotions. Think of it like getting goosebumps when cold or your knee jerking during a reflex test - these reactions happen whether we want them to or not. Physical arousal during unwanted touch falls into this same category of involuntary responses. Understanding this can help reduce the feelings of guilt or shame that many survivors experience.

The self-harm you're experiencing as a result is also unfortuntately a common response to sexual trauma, though it's one that deserves gentle attention and care. When our brains are trying to process overwhelming emotions after trauma, they sometimes seek ways to manage this distress through physical pain. This happens because physical pain can temporarily interrupt emotional pain by triggering the release of endorphins - natural chemicals in our brain that briefly dull both physical and emotional suffering.

Some survivors describe self-harm as a way to feel more "present" when experiencing dissociation (feeling disconnected from reality), while others say it helps express emotional pain they can't put into words. Sometimes it emerges from feelings of wanting to punish oneself, especially when dealing with unwarranted guilt or shame after trauma. Understanding these underlying reasons is crucial because it helps us find healthier alternatives that serve similar functions.

When we're working to stop self-harming behaviors, it's helpful to think about it in stages. For immediate crisis moments, we need alternatives that can provide similar sensory input or emotional release without causing harm. Some survivors find that:

• Holding ice cubes or taking cold showers creates intense physical sensations that help interrupt emotional pain
• Intense exercise can provide physical release
• Punching pillows or screaming into them can offer emotional catharsis
• Ripping paper or squeezing stress balls can help channel overwhelming feelings

For deeper emotional regulation, learning grounding techniques can help manage overwhelming feelings before they become unbearable. The 5-4-3-2-1 method is particularly effective: name 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, and 1 you can taste. This exercise helps activate your parasympathetic nervous system - the part that calms your body's stress response.

It's also important to develop healthy emotional expression through activities like journaling, creating art, or finding safe people to talk with. Many survivors find it helpful to write letters to their emotions or create comfort boxes filled with soothing items they can turn to when feeling triggered.

Understanding that urges to self-harm often come in waves can be empowering - knowing that if you can ride out the wave for 10-15 minutes, it will usually begin to subside. During these times, having a clear crisis plan is crucial. This should include:

• Numbers for crisis hotlines (like 800.656.HOPE for the National Sexual Assault Hotline)
• Crisis Text Line (text HOME to 741741)
• A list of trusted people you can contact
• Written reminders of your reasons for wanting to stop
• Specific activities that help distract or soothe you

Remember that recovery isn't linear. Many people experience setbacks, and that's a normal part of the healing process. Each time you choose an alternative coping strategy, you're building new neural pathways in your brain, making it easier to choose those alternatives in the future.

Professional support from a trauma-informed therapist can be invaluable in this journey. They can help you understand your specific triggers, develop personalized coping strategies, and address the underlying trauma in a safe, controlled way. You don't have to go through this alone, and healing is possible with proper support. Thank you for trusting us with this. We are here for you.