This is a space where survivors of trauma and abuse share their stories alongside supportive allies. These stories remind us that hope exists even in dark times. You are never alone in your experience. Healing is possible for everyone.
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Thank you for trusting us with this. It sounds like you've been carrying a lot of confusion about those early online experiences, and the feelings you're describing make complete sense given what you went through. When you were exposed to sexual content at such a young age and then found yourself engaging in sexual roleplay with strangers on children's platforms, you were in an incredibly vulnerable position. Children simply don't have the life experience to navigate those kinds of situations safely, and being introduced to explicit material before you're developmentally ready can create a sense of normalcy around sexual content, even before you fully understand what's happening.
The fact that you still feel violated is significant and points to something important. That feeling alone suggests these experiences crossed boundaries that shouldn't have been crossed. Your early exposure created a vulnerability that put you at risk in these online spaces. You may have been interacting with adults who were targeting children, or with other kids who were also navigating boundaries they didn't understand. Regardless of the specific intentions of individuals involved, these interactions occurred in contexts where children's safety and development can be compromised.
Children don't have the developmental capacity to fully understand or consent to sexual situations, whether online or in person. They can't comprehend the full implications of what they're engaging in or the potential harm. In your situation, you were exposed to explicit content too early, and that shaped how you explored online spaces. The feelings you have about these experiences, that sense of violation, reflect an important recognition that something was happening that wasn't appropriate for where you were developmentally.
These early experiences may have created patterns that, as you recognized, made you more vulnerable later on. When children have been prematurely exposed to sexual content or interactions, it can make them targets for those who would exploit that vulnerability.
There's no need to worry about using labels incorrectly or taking away from others' experiences. Your feelings about what happened are valid regardless of how you choose to name or categorize those experiences. What matters is acknowledging that you were in vulnerable situations where your boundaries and developmental needs weren't protected, and that this has had an impact on you.
If you're still working through complicated emotions about these experiences, this is completely understandable. Many people find it helpful to talk with someone who understands how early sexual exposure and online interactions can impact children's development. A qualified counselor or helpline focused on childhood sexual abuse or exploitation can provide a safe space to explore these feelings without judgment. You deserve support in processing these experiences, and you have every right to seek understanding about how your boundaries were impacted during such a formative time. Your feelings and memories matter, and you don't have to carry these questions alone. Thank you for reaching out to us.
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Please adhere to our Community Guidelines to help us keep Our Wave a safe space. All messages will be reviewed and identifying information removed before they are posted.