When I was younger (8 years old) another guy (12 or 13 years old) who was a few years older sexually touched my private area and performed oral acts on me. Before he touched me each time he asked if he could and I just sat there and shook my head yes because of how shocked I was by his question. Is that considered molestation or nothing really?

Thank you for reaching out to us. I'm sorry that you went through that situation. To answer your question, what you've described is a form of childhood sexual abuse. When there is a significant age difference or power imbalance between children, and sexual contact occurs, this is not considered normal childhood exploration or play. Your experience of freezing and nodding yes while feeling shocked is an extremely common trauma response. Many survivors experience this "freeze" response during traumatic situations - it's a biological reaction that happens when we feel threatened and overwhelmed, not a true indication of consent.

It's important to understand that children cannot give meaningful consent to sexual activities, even when they might nod or appear to agree. True consent requires full understanding, equal power, and the genuine ability to say no without fear or pressure. Your body's response of freezing and nodding while feeling shocked internally shows a disconnect between what you felt able to express and what you were actually feeling.

To be clear: yes, what you described would be considered molestation. When someone engages in inappropriate touching or sexual activities with a child, it's a serious violation, regardless of whether they asked permission or whether both individuals were minors. At your young age, you were not able to give informed consent to such actions, and the older boy should not have involved you in that behavior.

None of this was your fault. The responsibility lies entirely with the person who initiated and carried out those actions. Many survivors question whether their experiences "count" as abuse, especially if they didn't fight back or say no. This questioning is a normal part of processing traumatic experiences.

If you're feeling confused, upset, or have lingering feelings about what happened, it might be helpful to talk to a trusted adult, counselor, or mental health professional who can provide support and guidance. Organizations like RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) offer resources and support for survivors at any stage of their healing journey. They can help you process these feelings and offer reassurance.

Please know that your experience is valid, and the confusion you might feel about it is completely understandable. Healing from childhood sexual experiences often involves coming to terms with these complicated feelings. Remember that healing is possible, you're not alone, and there are people who care about you and want to help. Please be gentle with yourself as you navigate through these feelings. Thank you for trusting us with them.