When I was in 3rd grade, my older sister (4 years older) initiated inappropriate sexual contact between us, including touching private parts and kissing. This happened multiple times. As an adult, I now feel disgusted thinking about it. Was this sexual abuse? How should I understand and cope with this childhood experience? I want to ask her about it, but I am afraid.

Thank you for sharing this difficult experience. What you've described is a complex situation that falls into a gray area between childhood exploration and abuse. It's important to understand that some degree of sexual curiosity and exploration among children is normal. However, the age difference between you and your sister, as well as the specific activities involved, suggest this may have crossed a line into inappropriate behavior or abuse.

Your feelings of disgust and confusion are completely valid. Many adults looking back on childhood experiences like this struggle with similar emotions. It's crucial to remember that as the younger child, you were not at fault for what happened. Your sister, while older, was also a child and may not have fully understood the implications of her actions.

If you feel it's important to approach your sister about this, consider these steps:

1. Prepare yourself emotionally. This conversation will likely be difficult for both of you.
2. Choose a private, neutral location where you both feel comfortable.
3. Start by expressing your feelings without accusation. For example, "I've been thinking about some things that happened when we were kids, and I'm feeling confused and upset."
4. Be prepared for various reactions - she may be defensive, apologetic, or even claim not to remember.
5. Consider having a therapist or counselor help you prepare for or even mediate this conversation.

Remember, your sister's response doesn't invalidate your feelings or experiences. Whether or not you choose to discuss this with her, it might be helpful to speak with a professional who specializes in childhood trauma. They can provide strategies to cope with these memories and emotions.

Ultimately, only you can label this experience based on the information you have and the impact it has ultimately had on you. Regardless on how you label it, healing is a personal journey and you deserve support. Be patient and kind to yourself as you navigate these complex feelings. Do not be afraid to ask for help if you need it. You are not alone.