When I was a child my neighbor (also a child) showed me sexual things. I only know it happened because I have flash memories of it and her asking if it felt good. I don’t remember ever saying no, or stop, or I don’t like it. After we moved, I was really hypersexual and would masturbate a lot. I would cry and feel terrible about myself because I thought it was wrong. Would this be considered child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA) or am I just being dramatic??

Something else that is worth mentioning here is sexual shame and how deeply ingrained it is in our society, stemming from cultural, religious, and familial beliefs that label certain sexual behaviors as taboo or immoral. You mentioned shame around masturbation and exploring your sexuality as a child and I want to unpack that a bit. Masturbating as a child can be perfectly healthy and normal, however it is very common to have feelings of shame surrounding it. Regardless of whether or not the shame you feel stems from your experiences with your neighbor or not, I do want to talk a bit about how that might play into your processing.

Sexual shame can manifest as feelings of guilt, embarrassment, or inadequacy surrounding one's sexual experiences and desires. Society's narrow definition of acceptable sexual behavior can exacerbate this shame, particularly in instances of experimentation or non-heteronormative expressions of sexuality. It is perfectly normal to explore your sexuality when you are a child, however, children who do engage in experimentation may internalize societal disapproval, leading to feelings of shame and self-criticism. Fears of judgment or rejection from others can further reinforce these negative perceptions, creating a cycle of secrecy and shame.

Only you know your situation and what you experienced, but is perfectly normal to experiment when you are young. Just because you feel shame reflecting on it as an adult, does not inherently mean it was wrong at that stage of your development. On the other hand, it is important to understand what COCSA is so you can assess if what happened to you was abuse. As we mentioned, COCSA generally involves any non-consensual sexual activity between minors where one child uses force, coercion, or manipulation against another child. If that resonates with what you experienced, then perhaps you did experience COCSA.

Regardless of how you define it, if reflecting on sexual experiences that happened to you when you were a child bring you distress, you deserve to seek support and resources.  Prioritize your well-being throughout this process and make decisions that feel right for you.  You deserve support, validation, and healing regardless of how you define what you have been through. 

Thank you for this question. You are not alone.