When I was around 6-7, my older sister used to touch me inappropriately after showing me explicit material. Sometimes I would ask for it or encourage the touching, which started when I asked if we could try what we saw. She initially said no but later changed her mind. I don't know if this counts as abuse since I sometimes asked for it, and I'm unsure whether to blame her or myself. We're close now, which makes it harder to think about telling someone. Was this abuse, and should I tell someone?

Thank you so much for trusting us with this. I'm so sorry this question has been weighing on your heart. What you experienced can feel confusing, especially when you remember moments where you might have seemed to agree or even asked for what happened, and I want you to know that none of it was your fault.

When you were between six and seven, you were still very much a child learning how the world works, and your sister was also a child (I am guessing), though older. Children simply aren't equipped to understand the complexities of sexuality or to consent in the way adults can. At your age, you were developmentally incapable of understanding the nature or consequences of sexual activity. Children naturally explore and ask questions when exposed to new information, but this curiosity doesn't make them responsible for what followed.

This kind of situation often happens when kids have been inadvertently exposed to sexual content or experiences well before they're ready to understand them. It doesn't mean you did anything wrong by being curious. What it does mean is that both of you were children in a situation that neither of you fully had the knowledge or maturity to navigate safely. Looking back, it can feel like a knot of guilt or confusion about who "allowed" it, but in reality, it points to a boundary that shouldn't have been crossed in the first place.

Even if you recall moments of wanting or encouraging that touch, at your age then, you couldn't fully grasp what you were asking for. Children often seek out experiences that feel physically good or give them attention, even when those experiences may be harmful to them. Children often try to imitate what they see or hear, without understanding the consequences. That doesn't make you at fault. It simply highlights how children naturally respond when exposed to content beyond their developmental understanding.

It's completely understandable to feel torn about whether to tell someone, especially when you're close with your sister as adults. Many people are unsure if opening up about childhood experiences will change family relationships. Your close relationship with your sister now doesn't invalidate what happened in the past, nor does it mean you shouldn't seek support if you're struggling with these memories.

If these memories are causing you distress, it might help to talk with a trusted person, a counselor or any professional trained in these issues, just to share how it's affecting you now. Speaking with a trauma-informed therapist can help you work through these complex feelings and understand the impact these experiences may have had on you. They can help you process without requiring you to immediately confront your sister or disclose to your family before you're ready. They can offer perspective that helps you handle the emotions and determine what feels right for your unique situation.

Ultimately, the most important thing is that you feel supported and understood. You deserve comfort and space to sort through these memories, and you don't have to do it all alone. Reaching out for help doesn't make you disloyal to your sister. It's simply taking care of your own well-being. Your healing matters, and you have the right to seek support if needed regardless of your current relationship with your sister. Trust your instincts about what you need, and remember that taking care of yourself isn't a betrayal of anyone else.