When I was 6, I was bribed into performing an unwanted sexual act with a boy by his older sister. They seemed to know what they were doing, as they were smirking throughout and never gave me the promised bribe, instead finding amusement in my disappointment. I cannot remember the full details of what happened, just before and after. What's bothering me is that I agreed to it because of the bribe, while my younger sister was able to refuse. Can it still be considered sexual abuse if I went along with it? I feel this childhood experience may be affecting my adult intimacy issues, including vaginismus. Could these problems possibly be connected to this childhood event?

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your experience with us. I want to start by saying yes what you experienced can still be considered sexual abuse. When you were six years old, you were encouraged—through bribery and pressure—by older children to engage in a sexual act that you didn't truly want to do. Children cannot consent to sexual activities, regardless of whether they appear to "go along with" something. A 6-year-old child lacks the developmental capacity to understand sexual acts or provide meaningful consent. The fact that you were manipulated through bribes and pressure is a common tactic used by those who harm children.

The difference between your response and your sister's doesn't change the abusive nature of what happened. Children respond to threatening situations in various ways - some may freeze, some comply hoping to avoid further harm, and others might resist. These are all normal survival responses. Your brain, sensing danger but seeing no clear escape, may have focused on the promised reward as a coping mechanism. This is not your fault or a reflection of any choice you truly made.

The gaps in your memory are also common with traumatic experiences. Our brains sometimes protect us by not storing complete memories of overwhelming events, especially in childhood. This fragmentation of memory is a normal protective response, not a sign that your experience wasn't significant.

Regarding your adult experiences with intimacy and vaginismus, there is often a connection between childhood sexual trauma and later physical responses to sexual situations. Vaginismus can develop as your body's protective mechanism - essentially your body remembering trauma even when your conscious mind may not fully recall the details. Your body learned to protect itself, and that protection can persist into adulthood.

The feelings of confusion, guilt, or self-blame you're experiencing are common among individuals who have faced similar situations. Acknowledging that this experience may be impacting your adult life is a significant step.

Healing is possible. Many survivors find that working with trauma-informed therapists who specialize in childhood sexual abuse can help them process these experiences and reconnect with their bodies in safe ways. Physical therapists who specialize in pelvic floor issues can also provide specific support for vaginismus alongside emotional healing work.

Remember that what happened wasn't your fault, and your responses - both as a child and now as an adult - were normal reactions to an abnormal situation. Your feelings and physical responses are valid, and with appropriate support, many survivors find paths toward healing and reclaiming their sense of safety and pleasure in their bodies. You deserve compassion and support as you navigate these feelings. Take care of yourself. We appreciate you.