Question

When I was 11, I experienced what I believe was Child-on-Child Sexual Abuse (COCSA) from a 16-year-old who is autistic. This experience still affects me significantly - I have flashbacks, can't enjoy certain activities, and struggle with body image. However, people I've confided in say I shouldn't blame him due to his age and autism. I'm unsure if my feelings are valid or if I'm overreacting. Is it appropriate to consider this COCSA given the circumstances? (For context, I'm also being evaluated for autism, which makes others' dismissal of my experience particularly upsetting.)

Answer

I want to start by acknowledging your bravery in sharing this experience and seeking understanding. Your feelings are valid, and it's important to recognize that your pain and trauma are real, regardless of the circumstances surrounding the event.

What you experienced can indeed be considered Child-on-Child Sexual Abuse (COCSA). The significant age difference (11 vs. 16) represents a power imbalance, and the impact on you - including flashbacks, difficulty with certain activities, and body image issues - are common responses to sexual trauma. These effects underscore the seriousness of what you went through.

It's crucial to understand that while the other person's age and neurodevelopmental status (being autistic) are factors to consider in understanding the full context, they do not negate or diminish your experience or its impact on you. Your trauma and feelings are valid regardless of the intent or understanding of the person who caused them.

The dismissal you've faced from others is unfortunately common but isn't appropriate or helpful. It's not your responsibility to justify your trauma or its effects on you. Your experience and its impact on you are what matter most in your healing journey.

Your own potential autism diagnosis adds another layer to this situation. It's understandable that others' dismissal based on the other person's autism is particularly hurtful, as it might feel like a dismissal of your own experiences and perceptions as well.

Remember, healing from trauma is a personal journey. It's okay to seek professional help to process your experiences and develop coping strategies. A trauma-informed therapist, particularly one with experience in COCSA and neurodiversity, could provide valuable support.

Your feelings are valid, you're not overreacting, and you have every right to acknowledge and work through the impact this experience has had on you. Take care of yourself, and don't hesitate to seek the support you need and deserve. Thank you for reaching out to us. You are not alone.