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What does it mean to be loved?
Answer by キタ幸子 (Kita Sachiko)
Doctor of Health Science & Director of the Multicultural Study of Trauma Recovery consortium
Thank you for your question. It's a fundamental question.
I think being loved means feeling truly safe when you're with someone and feeling like "the other person is really paying attention to me."
It's a relationship where your feelings, boundaries, and needs are respected without being denied.
True love and compassion is not about getting special favors.
It's in the little things that accumulate every day, such as the other person being there for you and accepting you as you are.
Love may mean someone listening carefully when you share your fears.
It may be that they offer kind words of encouragement when you are going through a difficult time.
And I think it's about creating a place where you can be yourself.
A loving connection isn't a relationship where only one person has to work hard.
It's a relationship where we trust each other and feel comfortable opening up to each other.
Even if I have days when I lose confidence in myself, that person's warmth reminds me that I am someone who is cherished.
Feeling loved helps us realize that it's okay to value our feelings and that our voices have power.
And above all, it makes you feel like you don't have to live alone.
Someone is there for you, respects your experience, and genuinely cares about you.
I think that's what it means to be loved.
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Grounding activity
Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:
5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)
4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)
3 – things you can hear
2 – things you can smell
1 – thing you like about yourself.
Take a deep breath to end.
From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.
Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).
Take a deep breath to end.
Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:
1. Where am I?
2. What day of the week is today?
3. What is today’s date?
4. What is the current month?
5. What is the current year?
6. How old am I?
7. What season is it?
Take a deep breath to end.
Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.
Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.
Take a deep breath to end.
Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.
Take a deep breath to end.