What are some helpful strategies for managing flashbacks related to coercive control? Talking through the experience doesn't always feel helpful, and I'm looking for additional techniques to complement pausing and allowing the feelings to pass.

Thank you for reaching out and for sharing your preferences with us. It's very common and understandable to look for additional strategies to manage flashbacks beyond talking, especially to complement the practice of pausing and letting feelings pass. Actively engaging in certain practices can indeed be very helpful in regaining a sense of presence and safety when these difficult moments arise.

It's completely understandable that talking doesn't always feel helpful when you're experiencing flashbacks related to coercive control, and it shows great self-awareness that you're seeking strategies that work specifically for you. Flashbacks from coercive control can be particularly challenging because they often involve complex layers of emotional, psychological, and sometimes physical memories that can feel overwhelming.

One set of helpful strategies involves grounding techniques, which are designed to bring you back to the present moment and reconnect you with your current surroundings. The 5-4-3-2-1 technique involves identifying 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. This helps anchor you in the present moment when your mind feels pulled back into past experiences. Some people find focusing on the sensation of their feet on the floor helpful, or holding a comfort object like ice cubes or different textures. Deep, deliberate breathing exercises can also be very grounding and can activate your body's relaxation response, particularly longer exhales than inhales. You might try slowly inhaling, holding your breath, and then slowly exhaling, perhaps counting to four for each step.

Engaging in self-soothing activities that provide comfort and a sense of safety can also be very beneficial. You could create a "crisis kit" or "comfort box" filled with items that soothe you, like a soft blanket, calming scents, or music that makes you feel peaceful. Simply wearing comfortable clothing or, if it feels right, taking a warm bath or shower focusing on the sensation of the water can also be helpful. Some survivors find that having a specific playlist ready, keeping comforting objects nearby, or having predetermined safe spaces where they can go provides structure during difficult moments.

Practicing mindful awareness and acceptance of the flashback can also be a useful approach. This involves acknowledging the memory or feeling without judgment, perhaps saying to yourself, "I notice I'm having this feeling right now." It can be helpful to remind yourself that thoughts and feelings, particularly those related to trauma, are often like clouds passing by and will eventually shift. Gently reminding yourself that you are safe in the present moment, even if the feelings are very intense, is a key part of this process.

Gentle movement and reconnecting with your body in a safe way can also complement pausing. Movement-based strategies can be powerful tools for discharging the physical tension that often accompanies flashbacks. If you feel up to it, gentle stretching, walking, or even simple movements like rolling your shoulders can help you feel more present. Some find bilateral movements, like alternating tapping their knees or crossing their arms and patting their shoulders, can help calm their nervous system. Practicing self-touch in a non-sexual, comforting manner, like gently massaging your hands or applying lotion, can bring awareness back to your body in a positive way.

Furthermore, redirecting your attention and engaging in activities that require some focus can be helpful. This might be something like a puzzle, a simple game, drawing, or other creative tasks that help ground you in the present moment. Some people find it helpful to remind themselves of current realities by looking at recent photos, reading affirming notes they've written to themselves, or touching objects that represent their current life and freedom.

Throughout this process, self-compassion is vital. Try to speak to yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a good friend who was struggling. It's important to remember that healing from coercive control often involves your nervous system learning to trust that you're truly safe now. This process takes time, and having flashbacks doesn't mean you're not healing or making progress. Remind yourself that flashbacks are a normal trauma response and are not a sign of weakness. What happened was not your fault.

It's important to experiment with these strategies to find what works best for you, as coping is a very personal journey. Building a toolkit of these options can support you when flashbacks occur. Your instinct to pause and let feelings pass is already a healthy coping mechanism, and building on that foundation with additional strategies that resonate with you can strengthen your ability to navigate these challenging moments. If these experiences are frequent or significantly impacting your daily life, you might also consider speaking with a trauma-informed therapist, as they can help you develop more personalized strategies.

Remember, healing is a process, and finding what helps you manage these challenging moments is a significant and powerful step. We appreciate you trusting us with this question. You are not alone.