One of my earliest memories involves a traumatic incident with an older relative when I was very young. I'm unsure about some details, but I recognize it now as child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA) due to the age difference and my lack of understanding at the time. However, I'm confused because I don't feel as affected by this experience as I think I should be. While I understand the act was wrong, I don't have strong emotions about it. Is it normal to feel relatively neutral about a traumatic childhood experience like this? I feel like I should have more intense feelings about the incident, but I don't.

Thank you so much for asking this important question. First and foremost, I want to assure you that your feelings—or what you perceive as a lack of strong feelings—are entirely valid. There's no "correct" way to respond to trauma, especially when it occurs at such a young age. Many people who experience sexual harm in childhood experience a range of reactions, and feeling relatively neutral or disconnected from the experience is not uncommon.

It's crucial to understand that trauma isn't solely determined by the events themselves, but also by how we experience and interpret those events, and ultimately, how they affect us in the long term. This helps explain why similar experiences can have vastly different impacts on different individuals. Your unique perspective, support system, and personal processing all play a role in shaping your response to traumatic events.

If you genuinely don't feel traumatized by the experience, there can be benefit in accepting that at face value. Not every difficult or inappropriate childhood experience necessarily leads to lasting trauma, and it's okay to trust your own assessment of your feelings. Acknowledging this doesn't minimize the wrongness of what happened, but it can allow you to move forward without feeling pressured to manifest trauma symptoms you don't actually have.

In cases of child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA), the situation is often complex. While it doesn't diminish the potential harm caused to you, recognizing that the other child involved was also young and potentially acting out their own trauma or lack of understanding can sometimes lead to a more nuanced perspective. This realization might contribute to feelings of confusion or even compassion, which can be part of the healing process for some survivors.

Our brains have complex ways of processing experiences, especially those from childhood. It's normal for emotional responses to past events to vary or change over time. Some people may feel a strong impact immediately, while others might not experience strong emotions about an incident. Both reactions are valid, and neither invalidates your personal experience or how you feel about it now.

If at any point you become curious about exploring your feelings further or find yourself concerned about how past experiences might be affecting you, speaking with a mental health professional who specializes in childhood experiences can be beneficial. They can offer support and guidance tailored to your individual needs, whether that's processing emotions, understanding past events, or simply having a space to discuss your thoughts. Your journey is your own, and whatever you're feeling—or not feeling—is a valid part of that journey. Thank you for trusting us with this. You are not alone.