Question

When I was very young (5-7), my slightly older cousin (6-8) initiated sexual behavior with me. I agreed without feeling pressured or scared, and I don't think either of us really understood what we were doing. Is this considered a form of abuse or child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA), even though I didn't feel negatively about it at the time?

Answer

Thank you for asking this question. While I can't make definitive judgments, and only you can label your experiences, I can provide some general information that might help you process what happened to you at that age.

Interactions like this between young children are often referred to as "sexual play" or "sexual behaviors in children." When both children are very young and close in age, as in your situation, it's generally not considered Child-on-Child Sexual Abuse (COCSA) if there was no coercion, pressure, or power imbalance involved.

It's common for young children to be curious about bodies and engage in exploratory behaviors without fully understanding the sexual nature or implications. The fact that neither of you felt pressured or fully understood what was happening is significant.

However, it's important to note that even if you didn't feel negatively about it at the time, such experiences can sometimes have delayed emotional impacts that emerge later in life. It's okay if your feelings about the experience have changed over time.

If you're finding that this past experience is causing you distress now, or if you have ongoing questions or concerns about it, it might be helpful to speak with a therapist who specializes in childhood experiences and sexual development. They can provide a safe space to explore your feelings and help you understand and process this experience in the context of your overall development and well-being.

Importantly, it's also okay to not label this experience if you don't feel the need to do so. You shouldn't feel pressured to characterize something as traumatic if it wasn't traumatic for you. Your feelings and perceptions about your own experiences are valid, and it's perfectly acceptable to view this as a neutral childhood event if that's how you genuinely feel about it.

Remember, your feelings about this experience, whatever they may be, are valid. There's no "right" way to feel about complex childhood experiences. Thanks for asking this. We appreciate you reaching out to us.