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There is so much going on in the world. My trauma feels insignificant compared to what others are going through. How do I manage that?
Answer by Dr. Laura
PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner
There is something about our current state that can make any personal trauma feel unworthy. How can I feel this pain when I have a roof over my head? When I have a job? When I am healthy? While this reframing and acknowledgement of the intensity of others’ suffering is an important empathetic response, it also can harm our own processing of the events that impact us.
It is easy to be hard on yourself when you are struggling, particularly if you are not healing as fast as you would like, or if you constantly feel like you are being setback. Remember, trauma not only consists of events, but also how you experience these events and the ultimate impact it has on you based on your current supports and prior history. It is not fair to yourself to be constantly comparing the situations you have endured to others. Be gentle with yourself. Every person's trauma is unique and deserves attention.
You may also find yourself questioning the validity of your trauma when you hear about the trauma stories of others either through the Our Wave site, or other platforms and mediums where survivors share their experiences. Resist the voice inside of you telling yourself that your experience “might not count” or “wasn’t that bad.” These thoughts can minimize your trauma and cause detachment from complicated emotions.
While minimizing your trauma may be protective at first, it can interfere with you getting the help that you need to heal. It is important to remember that if something feels bad, it is bad. Everyone deserves help when they are struggling.
It’s easy to feel guilty for feeling anything anymore, when the world is so painful for so many. For those who are silently struggling with your own trauma, know that your feelings are valid. Name it. Claim it. It is not small because it is not the trauma of others.
No matter what else is appearing on news headlines or in your life, your trauma is valid. Celebrate the positive aspects of your life but allow yourself space to acknowledge the negatives too. You are not alone, but your experience is important. You matter.
Next week will be our last FAQ Friday. Thank you for joining in community with us.
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Grounding activity
Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:
5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)
4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)
3 – things you can hear
2 – things you can smell
1 – thing you like about yourself.
Take a deep breath to end.
From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.
Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).
Take a deep breath to end.
Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:
1. Where am I?
2. What day of the week is today?
3. What is today’s date?
4. What is the current month?
5. What is the current year?
6. How old am I?
7. What season is it?
Take a deep breath to end.
Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.
Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.
Take a deep breath to end.
Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.
Take a deep breath to end.