My partner has emotionally manipulated me throughout our relationship. One day while we were at their grandparent's house, I was sitting on the couch when they started touching me inappropriately. I tried telling my family about it, but they said "he's your partner, that's what partners do." I felt uncomfortable, and this has happened multiple times. They tell me they will change but never do. Am I at fault for them touching me inappropriately, and do I deserve to feel guilty about not being able to say no?

I'm so sorry to hear that you are experiencing this situation. You are absolutely not at fault for your partner's inappropriate touching, and you do not deserve to feel guilty about struggling to say no. It's important to remember that you're not responsible for someone else's actions, especially when it comes to your personal boundaries. No matter the relationship-- whether it's a partner, friend, or family member-- you have the right to feel comfortable and safe.

Being touched in ways that make you uncomfortable, especially after you've expressed that discomfort is not acceptable behavior in any relationship, regardless of the relationship status between you and this person. Consent is essential in all interactions and is an ongoing agreement that can be withdrawn at any time, even within romantic relationships. Just because someone is your partner does not give them the right to touch you in ways that make you uncomfortable or to continue touching you after you've expressed discomfort. Your feelings of discomfort are completely valid.

The emotional manipulation you mentioned creates an additional layer of harm that can make it incredibly challenging to assert yourself or say no. Manipulation often involves tactics that undermine your confidence, make you question your own perceptions, or create fear about the consequences of setting boundaries. This can make saying "no" feel impossible or unsafe, which is not your fault-- it's a natural response to being in a manipulative dynamic. It's not uncommon to feel guilty in these situations, but please know that the responsibility lies with the person who is disregarding your boundaries, not with you.

I'm sorry that your family wasn't supportive when you tried to share your feelings. Your family's response, while perhaps well-intentioned, reflects harmful misconceptions about relationships and consent. Dismissing your concerns by saying "that's what partners do" overlooks the importance of mutual respect and consent in a relationship and can be deeply damaging to survivors trying to understand their experiences. You deserve to have your feelings acknowledged and to be treated with consideration and care.

The pattern of promising to change but never following through is unfortunately common in harmful relationships. These promises often serve to maintain the relationship while avoiding actual accountability or change. You deserve a relationship where your boundaries are respected consistently, not just promised to be respected. Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, communication, and honoring each other's boundaries.

It's understandable that you're feeling conflicted and unsure of what to do next. Please remember that your comfort and well-being are important. You deserve to be in a relationship where your boundaries are respected and where you feel safe expressing your feelings. You're not alone, and there are people who care about you and want to help. You deserve relationships built on respect, safety, and genuine care for your wellbeing.