My cousin and I were similar ages (she was one year older) and she would have me touch and kiss her and try to touch me too. I didn't refuse but felt manipulated and scared that if anyone found out I would be hated by my family and parents. Is this considered child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA)?

Thank you for reaching out to us about this. When children engage in sexual activities, there are many factors that help determine whether the interactions were harmful, including things like coercion, manipulation, power imbalances, or significant differences in knowledge or development between the children involved.

The feelings you describe - feeling manipulated and scared about potential family rejection - are important indicators of how these experiences affected you. Even though you didn't say no, the absence of refusal doesn't mean you felt comfortable or that genuine consent was present. Children often comply with situations they're uncomfortable with due to confusion, fear, or feeling powerless to resist, and this doesn't make them responsible for what happened.

Your fear about family reaction could stem from different sources - it might reflect an intuitive sense that something wasn't appropriate, or it could simply be the natural secrecy children feel around any sexual behavior, even harmless exploration. Many children instinctively know that sexual activities are private adult matters, so feeling scared about discovery doesn't necessarily indicate wrongdoing by either child involved.

It's important to approach these childhood experiences with compassion for all children involved. Your cousin was also very young and may have been acting out behaviors she learned elsewhere, possibly from her own exposure to inappropriate content or experiences. Children who initiate sexual contact with other children are often responding to their own confusion, curiosity, or even trauma, rather than acting with malicious intent. This doesn't minimize your experience or feelings, but recognizing the complexity can sometimes help reduce feelings of anger or blame.

Regardless of how you choose to understand or label these experiences (COCSA or otherwise), your feelings about what happened matter deeply. If these interactions left you feeling violated, confused, or harmed, those feelings deserve acknowledgment and care. Many people find it helpful to process these experiences with a trauma-informed therapist who understands childhood sexual experiences and can provide a safe space to explore your feelings without judgment. You deserve support and healing, and the label that feels most accurate to you is the one that matters most in your healing journey. Thank you for trusting us with this. We appreciate you.