Is it wrong or creepy to make my original characters experience the same things that happened to me? I use this as a way to process and relate to my experiences since I haven't met other survivors and don't feel comfortable talking about it. A friend recently called me a creep for doing this, even though they knew what I was going through when it was happening. I don't feel like it's fair if my characters don't suffer the way I did. I need something to relate to. Am I weird for this?

You are absolutely not a creep, and you are not weird. What you're describing is actually a common and legitimate way that many trauma survivors process their experiences. Using creative expression, including writing characters who have gone through similar experiences of sexual assault, is a recognized coping mechanism and can be part of healing.

Many survivors find it difficult or impossible to talk directly about what happened to them, especially when they haven't found safe people to share with or when previous attempts to open up were met with dismissive responses like being called "dramatic." When direct conversation feels unsafe or unavailable, channeling these experiences into creative work allows you to externalize what happened, explore it from different angles, and maintain some sense of control over the narrative. This isn't weird. It's resourceful and shows emotional awareness about what you need to survive.

Your friend's response says more about their own discomfort or lack of understanding than it does about you. It's particularly painful that someone who was present during a vulnerable time would later use that knowledge to shame you. That response was unkind and uninformed, but it doesn't make your coping strategy inappropriate or harmful.

The feeling that it wouldn't be "fair" if your characters didn't experience what you did speaks to something many survivors experience which is a need to see your reality reflected somewhere and to have it acknowledged and validated even if only in fiction you create. When the world around you hasn't properly witnessed or validated your pain, sometimes you need to create that witness yourself. That's not creepy... that's you trying to make meaning from what happened and to not feel so alone in it.

You deserve support from people who understand trauma, not judgment from those who don't. Your creative expression belongs to you, and using it to process your experiences is both valid and valuable. You're surviving in whatever ways you can, and that takes strength. Thank you for trusting us with this.