Is it still considered childhood sexual abuse between peers (COCSA) if I didn't explicitly tell them to stop? We were the same age and they wanted to engage in sexual activity. I said no initially, but they suggested a modified version and proceeded despite my discomfort. I didn't ask them to stop because I was confused about what was happening, but I knew I didn't want it to happen at all. Does this still count as abuse even though I didn't clearly say stop?

Thank you for sharing your experience and for reaching out with your question. It's completely understandable to feel confused and unsure about what happened, and you're not alone in feeling this way. What you experienced has characteristics consistent with Child-on-Child Sexual Abuse (COCSA), but ultimately, only you can decide how to label your own experience. COCSA can occur when one child engages in sexual activities with another child without their full and informed consent, even if they are the same age.

Your initial "no" was a clear boundary that should have been respected completely. When someone pushes past your stated boundary by suggesting an alternative you didn't agree to, that is not consent - that is manipulation and boundary violation. Consent isn't just about not saying "no," it's also about feeling comfortable and fully understanding what's happening. In your situation, you expressed that you didn't want this sexual contact, and even though they suggested a modified version, it doesn't mean you consented to it. The fact that you didn't stop them afterward doesn't negate your initial refusal or your feelings about the situation.

It's completely understandable that you didn't know how to respond in the moment. Many children and even adults freeze or become confused when someone violates their boundaries, especially when it involves sexual contact they don't understand or want. This freeze response is a normal neurological reaction to threat or violation, not a sign of agreement or participation. As children, it's common not to fully understand what's going on or to know how to react in uncomfortable situations. Feeling unsure, frozen, or unable to speak up is a natural response, especially when you're not certain about what's happening. Your confusion and uncertainty in that moment don't diminish the impact this experience had on you.

While children are still learning about boundaries, consent, and appropriate behavior, and the other child may not have fully understood the harm they were causing, this doesn't change the fact that your boundary was crossed after you clearly expressed your discomfort. Children often act impulsively or may be curious about things they don't fully understand, sometimes without realizing the impact of their actions on others. However, your experience of having your boundary violated is still valid and important, regardless of the other child's intentions or level of understanding at the time.

Boundaries can be difficult to navigate at a young age, and it's not uncommon to look back and question whether you should have done something differently. Please be gentle with yourself. Your feelings about this experience are valid, and it's important to recognize that sexual contact without clear, ongoing consent can be harmful regardless of age or intent. Many survivors of childhood sexual experiences struggle with questions about whether their experience "counts" because they didn't fight back or protest more forcefully. These doubts are common but don't change the reality of what happened to you. Trust your instincts that this felt wrong and unwanted - those feelings are telling you something important about what you experienced. Whatever words feel right to you for describing this experience are the right ones to use.

If you're feeling unsettled or if this memory continues to bother you, it might be helpful to talk to a trusted adult or a professional who can offer support and guidance. They can provide a safe space for you to express your feelings and help you process what happened. You're not alone, and it's okay to seek help. Your feelings are valid, and you deserve understanding and support.