I'm struggling with guilt about experiences from my childhood around age 7-8. During this period, I experienced unwanted touching from multiple children at school, and my older cousin (20) engaged in inappropriate sexual behavior with me after I expressed curiosity about things I'd seen online. I had been exposed to sexual content on other children's phones and while it gave me "funny feelings" that felt good at the time, I didn't understand the consequences. What's weighing heavily on me now is that during this same period, when I was 7, I initiated inappropriate touching with my 6-year-old cousin. He quickly pulled away and left the room. I knew something felt wrong at the time, but I didn't understand why. Now as an adult looking back, I feel intense shame and guilt. I would never intentionally harm anyone now. I'm confused about how to understand these experiences, especially since I was both a recipient and initiator of inappropriate behavior at such a young age. Can you help me make sense of this?

Thank you for sharing such a complex and painful set of experiences with us. Let me help you process these events within the context of childhood development and trauma.

When you were 7-8, you were experiencing multiple forms of inappropriate sexual exposure and behavior from others - both peers and, most seriously, an adult who should have protected you rather than exploited your natural childhood curiosity. At that age, children are still learning about boundaries, consent, and appropriate behavior. Your brain was being exposed to sexual content and experiences well before it was developmentally ready to process them.

The incident with your younger cousin, while concerning to you now as an adult, needs to be understood within this context. You were a child who was actively experiencing inappropriate sexual behavior from others and exposure to sexual content. Children who experience sexual behavior or exposure sometimes re-enact what they've experienced as they try to make sense of it. This is a documented response, particularly in young children who haven't yet developed the capacity to fully understand sexual boundaries or consent.

Your immediate recognition that "something was wrong" and your current feelings of remorse show your natural moral compass, even as a child. The fact that you feel such deep concern now as an adult demonstrates your strong ethical foundation and genuine care for others' wellbeing.

What happened with your cousin was not about intentionally causing harm - it was about a child trying to process confusing experiences without the maturity or guidance to understand them. The shame you feel now comes from judging your 7-year-old self through adult eyes, with adult understanding that you simply didn't have then.

Moving forward, it might help to work with a trauma-informed therapist who can help you process these experiences and develop self-compassion for your childhood self. You deserve support in healing from your own experiences of abuse while also finding peace with actions you took as a child who was struggling to understand confusing and inappropriate experiences.

Take care of yourself and we appreciate you reaching out to us and seeking clarity. You are not alone.