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Answer by Dr. Laura
PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner
Thank you for trusting us with your experience and these complex feelings you're carrying. Your heart must feel so heavy right now, trying to make sense of everything that's happened. I am here with you. Let me try to provide some information to help support you and explain why your feelings make perfect sense.
When a teacher builds a relationship like this with a student, they're taking advantage of a very natural human desire to feel special and understood. At 25, your teacher knew that his role came with serious responsibilities to protect and support his students' wellbeing, not to pursue personal or romantic connections. What felt like friendship or special attention sounds like something you correctly named called grooming - where an adult carefully builds trust while slowly crossing boundaries. Understanding this process can help explain why you're feeling so confused now.
It's completely natural to have mixed feelings about someone who made you feel special, even when you know their actions were wrong. Many young people in similar situations find themselves missing the person who hurt them while simultaneously feeling hurt by their actions. This doesn't make you hopeless at all - it makes you human. These conflicting emotions often arise because grooming creates real emotional bonds, even though they're based on an unhealthy foundation.
Your reaction to the word "cute" shows how deeply this experience has affected you. When words that should be innocent compliments become tangled with manipulation and boundary violations, they can lose their joy and become painful triggers. This is a normal and unfortuntate response to what you've experienced, and it's okay to feel this way.
I hear how difficult it is that your parents aren't seeing the seriousness of this situation. It can feel incredibly lonely when the people who should protect you don't understand or validate your experience. Your homeroom teacher's concern confirms what you already know in your heart - this situation was inappropriate and concerning.
Moving forward, there are people who want to help you heal. School counselors are trained to handle situations like this with care and confidentiality. They can often connect you with specialized counselors who deeply understand what you're going through. These professionals can provide a safe space to sort through your feelings without any judgment, and they're skilled at helping young people recover from experiences like this. ChildHelp is a great online resource for you. There you can report your experience if you feel the adults in your life are not taking it seriously. They can also provide one-on-one support for situations like this through texting, call, and chat.
Remember: You did nothing wrong. Your teacher had a duty to be a safe, trustworthy adult in your life, and he chose to violate that trust. Your feelings - all of them - are valid responses to a confusing and harmful situation. You're not hopeless; you're showing incredible strength by reaching out and trying to understand what happened to you.
Take care of yourself. You deserve all the support and understanding in the world as you navigate this journey. You do not have to do this alone. Thank you for reaching out to us.
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Grounding activity
Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:
5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)
4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)
3 – things you can hear
2 – things you can smell
1 – thing you like about yourself.
Take a deep breath to end.
From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.
Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).
Take a deep breath to end.
Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:
1. Where am I?
2. What day of the week is today?
3. What is today’s date?
4. What is the current month?
5. What is the current year?
6. How old am I?
7. What season is it?
Take a deep breath to end.
Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.
Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.
Take a deep breath to end.
Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.
Take a deep breath to end.