I'm struggling to understand experiences from my childhood. When I was seven, a friend of the same age initiated inappropriate physical contact during what she called a 'game'. This involved restraint and unwanted touching. As we got older (around 10-11), the actions escalated to include oral contact. Although I didn't enjoy these interactions, I often froze and couldn't express my discomfort. I continued the friendship and visiting her house. Years later, I still have vivid, uncomfortable memories of these events. I'm unsure if this qualifies as child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA), given our young ages and my uncertainty about whether she understood the implications of her actions. I never explicitly told her I didn't want this to happen. How should I interpret these childhood experiences?

Thank you for sharing this difficult experience. It's important to recognize that only you can ultimately label your experiences and decide how they've affected you. Your feelings and perceptions are valid, regardless of how others might interpret the situation. However, I can provide some context that I hope helps.

Based on what you've described, this situation does appear to have some concerning characteristics that align with what people typically consider child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA). The behaviors you've mentioned seem to go beyond what is typically considered normal childhood curiosity or exploration. COCSA often involves elements such as coercion, secrecy, power imbalances, or activities that mimic adult sexual behaviors. In contrast, healthy childhood exploration usually involves children of similar ages engaging in mutual, voluntary curiosity about bodies, often through games like "playing doctor." This exploration is typically brief, non-intrusive, and stops if a child becomes uncomfortable.

In your situation, the presence of restraint, escalating sexual behaviors, and your feelings of discomfort and freezing are concerning aspects. However, it's crucial to understand that at such young ages, neither of you could truly consent to or fully comprehend sexual activities. Your friend may not have fully understood the implications of her actions, but that doesn't diminish the impact these experiences had on you.

Your reaction of freezing and being unable to express discomfort is a common response to traumatic or overwhelming situations, especially for children. It's not your fault that you couldn't say no or stop the interactions. The fact that these memories still affect you strongly suggests that these experiences were indeed impactful for you, and your feelings of discomfort and confusion are entirely valid.

Moving forward, it may be helpful to speak with a therapist who specializes in childhood trauma. They can provide a safe space for you to process these experiences, label them if necessary, and develop coping strategies to move your forward in your healing.

Remember, you're not to blame for what happened. It's okay to have complex feelings about these experiences and your childhood friend. Healing is possible, and you deserve support in working through these memories and their impact on you. Be patient and compassionate with yourself. You are not alone. Thanks for reaching out to us.