I would like to know if someone can develop a fetish or kink around humiliation if the sexual abuse they experienced didn't arouse them sexually when it occurred. Could it be the shame and humiliation themselves that lead to developing this kink rather than any physical sensation experienced at the time? What's the connection between these experiences? For instance, if someone was coerced into a sexual act they didn't want to perform and felt no physical pleasure from it, could that experience be the cause of developing a specific kink related to that trauma when they begin to develop sexually?

Thank you for reaching out to us. It's entirely possible for someone to develop sexual arousal patterns connected to experiences that were not sexually arousing when they originally occurred. Our brains and bodies have complex ways of processing trauma, and one mechanism that some people experience is called "trauma reenactment" or "traumatic sexualization." This can involve the mind attempting to gain control over or make meaning from traumatic experiences by recreating aspects of them in contexts where the person has more agency and choice.

The connection between past trauma and later sexual arousal patterns isn't usually about the physical sensations experienced during the traumatic event. Rather, it's more commonly connected to the powerful emotions that accompanied the experience—emotions like shame, powerlessness, fear, or humiliation. When these intense emotions become linked with sexuality during formative experiences, particularly for young people still developing their sexual identity, they can become part of the person's arousal template.

In the example you described, being coerced into an intimate act without wanting to participate, and without experiencing physical pleasure, could potentially influence a person's sexual development. The coerced act, combined with the associated emotions of shame or helplessness, might become incorporated into how they understand and navigate their own sexuality later in life. This process is complex and highly individual.

It's important to understand that this doesn't mean you wanted or enjoyed the traumatic experience. It doesn't diminish the harm that was done to you. Many trauma specialists view these responses as attempts by the mind and body to heal—by transforming experiences where you had no control into contexts where you have choice, consent, and agency.

Many survivors experience conflicted feelings about these connections between past trauma and current sexuality. Some find that working with trauma-informed therapists specialized in sexual issues helps them understand these patterns and develop a healthier relationship with their sexuality. Others find that simply understanding these connections helps reduce shame and confusion.

Whatever your experience, please know that you're not alone in having these questions, and your feelings are valid. These complex responses to trauma are a normal part of how our minds and bodies attempt to process difficult experiences. Thank you for trusting us with this.