At a house party in August, I was very drunk and blacked out on the bathroom floor. A guy came to check on me, and I ended up on his lap. I have a memory of saying "we shouldn't do this, I'm in love with someone else," and he said "I don't care" before we kissed. He later told my friends I was imagining the dialogue because of SSRIs, but I hadn't started taking SSRIs until two months after that night. Then at New Year's, we were alone again while I was extremely drunk and could barely walk. He kissed me, made a move toward my neck and chest, and I pushed him away and started saying no. He eventually stopped. I went and cried to a friend afterward. When I told my friend group, they said I was misremembering and that it didn't count as sexual assault, even though he admitted to kissing me while I was blacked out. Only one friend believes me. I feel disgusted and I don't know what to do.

Thank you so much for trusting us with this. Your memory does not need to be perfect for your experience to be real and the people around you not believing you does not change what happened to your body.

Let me start with the SSRI claim, because it matters that you clocked it. Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors do not cause a person to fabricate conversations or insert dialogue that never happened. They affect mood regulation and anxiety over time. Using medication to dismiss someone's account of a specific event is not a clinical argument, it is a deflection. The fact that you were not even on the medication yet makes it demonstrably false, and it tells you something about how this person operates.

What you are describing across both incidents follows a pattern that researchers who study alcohol-facilitated assault recognize consistently. Being too intoxicated to walk, being blacked out on a bathroom floor, these are not gray areas. Capacity to consent requires being conscious and genuinely free to make a decision. Blacking out is a physiological state, not a choice. And in the first incident, when you did surface enough to speak, what you said was "we shouldn't do this." His response, "I don't care," tells you everything about whether your wishes were being considered. In the second incident, you pushed him away and said no. He eventually stopped. Stopping only after someone physically resists and says no out loud is not respecting consent. It means the boundary had to be stated and enforced before he acknowledged it. Some people use the term alcohol-facilitated sexual assault to describe experiences like these, and only you get to decide if that language fits what happened to you.

The social dynamics you are describing seems to align with a pattern researchers often discuss DARVO, which stands for Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. The person who caused harm denies what happened, attacks your credibility, and repositions himself as the wronged party. His SSRI story is a textbook example of this. When a friend group absorbs that narrative, it can feel like reality itself is being rewritten around you. What he did with that lie is sometimes called gaslighting, deliberately causing someone to doubt their own accurate sense of what happened. It is a form of harm in itself, separate from the original incidents, and it explains a lot of the disorientation you are feeling right now.

What you are feeling right now makes sense. When something violating happens and the people around you refuse to acknowledge it, the body often responds in ways that are hard to name. Those feelings are not a sign that something is wrong with you. They are a signal that something was done to you that violated your sense of safety and dignity.

One thing that can help when the people around you are working to destabilize your account is to write everything down privately. Dates, details, the exact words you remember. Not to prove anything to anyone else, but to anchor yourself in your own record when outside pressure is pushing you to let go of it.

You have one friend who believes you. Hold onto that. You do not need the whole group. If you want support outside your social circle, RAINN's confidential line is available around the clock at 1-800-656-4673 or rainn.org. If you are in Turkey, the Women's Support Line at 183 offers free, confidential guidance. And when you feel ready, a trauma-informed therapist can give you a space where your experience is the only thing that matters and no one is there to contest it.

You reached out here even while people you trusted were telling you not to trust yourself. We believe you. Thank you for trusting us.