I was drunk and someone who was helping me kissed me when I hadn't shown any interest before I became intoxicated. Everything was blurry that night. I was laying down on his lap with my eyes closed when he kissed me. I didn't immediately push him away because I was really drunk, almost blackout drunk, and didn't have the strength. I only realized what happened after he stopped. I think he believes I consented because I didn't push him away. Is my anger valid even though I didn't say no?

Thank you for sharing your experience with us. Your feelings of anger are completely valid. Being unable to push someone away or verbally say "no" while heavily intoxicated does not equal consent. Consent must be freely given, which means a person must be in a state where they can make clear decisions. When someone is severely intoxicated or nearly "blackout drunk" as you described, they cannot provide meaningful consent to sexual activity.

What you're describing involves several important concepts in understanding sexual consent. First, consent should be enthusiastic, clear, and ongoing. You mentioned not showing any signs of interest before becoming intoxicated, which is important context. Second, a person who is heavily intoxicated cannot give proper consent because alcohol significantly impairs judgment, awareness, and the ability to communicate boundaries.

Your experience of feeling frozen or unable to respond immediately is also common during unwanted sexual contact. This is sometimes called the "freeze" response - one of several natural reactions our bodies have to threatening situations (along with fight, flight, or fawn). Many survivors report similar experiences of being unable to physically resist or verbally object during an unwanted sexual encounter, especially when intoxicated.

The absence of a "no" is not the same as the presence of a "yes." The responsibility was on the other person to ensure they had your clear, enthusiastic consent before initiating any intimate contact, especially given your intoxicated state. They should have recognized that someone in your condition could not provide meaningful consent.

It's natural to feel confused or conflicted in this situation, but please know that you did nothing wrong. Your inability to resist due to your level of intoxication does not imply consent. You have every right to feel the way you do, and it's important to acknowledge your feelings. Consider reaching out to someone you trust, such as a close friend, family member, or a professional who can offer support. Sharing your feelings and talking through what happened might help you process the experience.

Trust your feelings and reactions. Your anger is a natural response to having your boundaries violated. Remember that you deserve to feel safe and respected, and your boundaries should be honored regardless of the circumstances. Whatever you decide to do next - whether that's talking to someone you trust, seeking support from a counselor, or considering other options - your experience and feelings are valid. Thank you for trusting us with this. You are not alone.