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Answer by Dr. Laura
PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner
Thank you for trusting us with this situation. Your concerns about potentially encountering someone who previously attempted to sexually assault you near your new law school are completely valid. Many survivors experience similar anxiety when faced with the possibility of crossing paths with someone who violated their boundaries or safety. This reaction is a normal response from your body's protective system, not an overreaction.
When considering your law school decision, your sense of safety matters deeply. Many survivors find that creating physical distance from those who harmed them can be an important part of their healing journey. At the same time, your educational and career goals are also significant parts of your life that deserve pursuit.
Feeling worried about potentially seeing this person again doesn't mean you're overreacting; it means you're considering your well-being, which is absolutely important. Trust your instincts—they're an important part of your body's wisdom and self-protection system.
If you decide to attend this law school, there are several approaches that might help manage this situation:
Reach Out for Support: Consider talking to someone you trust about how you're feeling—whether that's a friend, family member, or counselor. Sharing your fears can provide relief, help you make decisions, and help you process your emotions.
Contact the Law School: Many universities offer resources for student safety and counseling services. Reaching out to them could provide you with information on how they support students in similar situations and what measures are in place to ensure your safety on campus.
Develop a Safety Plan: Having a plan in place if you do run into them might give you a sense of control and security. This could include familiarizing yourself with campus security, knowing safe routes, and connecting with others who have had similar experiences on campus.
Many institutions have resources to support survivors, including confidential advocates who can help develop safety plans. Some survivors also find it empowering to learn about legal protections available to them, such as restraining orders, though the appropriateness of such measures varies by situation.
Remember that healing from sexual trauma is not linear, and what feels right for one person may not work for another. Some survivors find that reclaiming spaces that initially trigger fear can be part of their healing process, while others prioritize creating entirely new environments. Both approaches are valid.
Whatever decision you make, it should be one that feels right and safe for you. Consider connecting with a trauma-informed therapist who specializes in sexual violence if you haven't already. They can provide personalized support as you navigate this decision and help develop coping strategies for managing anxiety related to potential encounters.
Take care of yourself, and know that it's okay to seek the support you need. Your concerns deserve to be honored as you make this important life decision. Thank you for trusting us with this.
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Grounding activity
Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:
5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)
4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)
3 – things you can hear
2 – things you can smell
1 – thing you like about yourself.
Take a deep breath to end.
From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.
Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).
Take a deep breath to end.
Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:
1. Where am I?
2. What day of the week is today?
3. What is today’s date?
4. What is the current month?
5. What is the current year?
6. How old am I?
7. What season is it?
Take a deep breath to end.
Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.
Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.
Take a deep breath to end.
Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.
Take a deep breath to end.