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I think I have been sexually assaulted by an ex-friend. Is it sexual assault if you aren't penetrated? She groped me and jabbed at my a**, but I didn't think it was important because we are both female.
Answer by Dr. Laura
PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner
Thank you so much for this question. Sexual assault can take many forms, and each survivor's experience is unique and deserving of acknowledgment and support. What you experienced from your ex-friend could certainly "count" as sexual assault, even without penetration occurring. Any form of sexual contact or behavior without your explicit consent can be harmful and considered assault. To see a similar question we have answered in the past of this nature, click here: Q & A ~ Was I still sexually assaulted if I wasn’t raped, but was touched sexually without my consent? ~ Our Wave Stories
The fact that you are both female does not make the groping, unwanted touching, or any other sexual acts acceptable without your permission. Sexual assault can occur regardless of the gender of the perpetrator or person who experienced harm.
It's understandable that you may have doubts or minimized the incident, as there are many societal myths around what "counts" as assault. Please resist blaming yourself or thinking your experience is unimportant. Unwanted sexual contact, no matter the situation or genders involved, can have a lasting impact.
I would encourage you to reach out to a sexual assault service provider or hotline to discuss what happened, process your feelings, and get the support you deserve as a survivor. You are not alone, and this was not your fault. We are here for you every step of the way. Thank you for reaching out to us.
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Grounding activity
Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:
5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)
4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)
3 – things you can hear
2 – things you can smell
1 – thing you like about yourself.
Take a deep breath to end.
From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.
Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).
Take a deep breath to end.
Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:
1. Where am I?
2. What day of the week is today?
3. What is today’s date?
4. What is the current month?
5. What is the current year?
6. How old am I?
7. What season is it?
Take a deep breath to end.
Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.
Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.
Take a deep breath to end.
Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.
Take a deep breath to end.