I suffer from complex PTSD and have endured psychological and religious abuse from my family since childhood, multiple sexual assaults, and power harassment. I was misdiagnosed, denied my trauma, and treated poorly by several private physicians who downplayed my symptoms and suffering. Even in these circumstances, counselors focused on somatic approaches to trauma without providing psychological education or stabilization, resulting in medical trauma and re-traumatization. As a result, I was unable to seek proper treatment until recently. My health continued to deteriorate, and I was unable to continue working, so I left. I have a trusting relationship with my current counselor and doctor, and I am currently at the same hospital, but due to certain circumstances, I am likely to change doctors and hospitals. While my sleep disorders have continued to improve, I suffer from rapid dissociation, hyperarousal, and high-functioning, high-introspection symptoms that are difficult to break down in public. I have also had chronic suicidal ideation since childhood, and when my symptoms are severe, I sometimes wish I could die. My divorce coincided with the past few months, and I was feeling unwell. For the past two months, I would experience hyperventilation, trembling, and dizziness when I called for a consultation or thought about separation. In the past, I would experience physical and emotional flashbacks of abuse, power harassment, and bullying, even before they worsened. These flashbacks would occur for hours, even when I was alone. Treatment has helped me feel much better, but I'm now afraid of contact from my family. I still have flashbacks of the sexual assault trauma, sometimes waking up in the middle of the night or during the day. My sleep has been disrupted, and I've been unable to sleep at all lately. I've had to adjust my medication several times, and now I can't maintain five to six or seven hours of sleep without taking six different medications, including antipsychotics, mood stabilizers, and anti-anxiety medications. Even before my appointment, I would experience symptoms and be forced to rest in bed. I'm taking anti-anxiety medication within the limit a few times a day. University hospitals have been considered, but given my symptoms, would it be better to see a doctor there? Finding a trauma specialist for complex PTSD and a specialized clinic is a struggle. Even when I speak to the public health center, they only give me a search page, so I can only rely on their website, which I don't really understand. Just thinking about a specialized clinic scares me to tears because of past medical trauma. Nothing has been decided yet, so we'll have to start next year and discuss it, and I don't think I'll be doing all the paperwork myself, but I'm constantly anxious and scared, and it makes me cry. There are times when I'm so exhausted I can't even read my favorite books, and I'm also going to have to discuss mental health welfare certificates and disability pensions. If I need to change my doctor or hospital, would it be better to consider a university hospital? I live in the second largest metropolitan area in Japan, divided into eight blocks.

You've been carrying a lot on your own for a long time.
What you've shared with us—your long journey seeking trauma-sensitive support, your repeated encounters with misdiagnoses and inadequate support, and your chronic hypervigilance and flashbacks—speaks to how much your mind and body have been through.

Having had repeated experiences of being hurt in medical settings where they should have received help, it is only natural that they would be cautious and wary of new medical professionals.
Larger medical institutions, such as university hospitals, may have departments and teams that specialize in complex trauma-related conditions and use research-based approaches, including psychologists and psychiatrists who understand complex PTSD and its underlying causes.

However, this does not necessarily guarantee that you will be able to receive "immediate relief" or "trauma-informed interaction that is tailored to you." Whether you find a truly supportive clinical environment, whether at a university hospital or a private clinic, ultimately depends largely on whether the doctors and support staff are willing to respect your pace, listen carefully to what you have to say, and not rush you into unnecessary treatment.

The trust you have built with your current counselor, despite the many difficulties you have experienced up until now, is a great source of strength for you. If you must change hospitals for some reason, one way to go about it is to ask your current supporter if they can introduce you to a reliable specialist institution or medical professional.

Even when considering a large medical institution, it can be helpful to communicate in advance what you need to feel at ease. For example, asking them to review your medical history before your first visit, ensuring sufficient consultation time, and sharing your triggers and points to consider in advance. Having a trusted person accompany you in situations where flashbacks or hyperarousal are likely to occur is also an important way to protect yourself.

Given your past experiences, it is natural to feel very anxious about changing medical providers. However, please remember that your peace of mind and safety are of utmost importance.
If you ever feel pressured or misunderstood in a new relationship with a supporter, you always have the right to stop and reconsider.

As you make these choices, you may experience waves of fatigue and other physical reactions. If it's difficult to move, ask those around you for help with administrative tasks like finding and contacting medical institutions. Strong physical and mental reactions during change don't mean you're weak. They're a natural response to having been in "survival mode" for so long.

You continue to search for an environment that will lead to recovery and healing while respecting the path you have walked. Please cherish the sense of trust you have with your current counselor and take it with you to your new place.
The fact that you've made it this far is a testament to your strength. Even in the midst of deep fear and despair, your resilience is there. Even when the road ahead feels uncertain, it's not impossible to find someone who will treat you with compassion and respect. You deserve that care.