I am feeling guilt about a sexual encounter I had with a cousin 15 years ago when she was 7 and I was 12. I had just gotten my first period and she walked in on me putting in a tampon. It's hard to remember what happened but I think I initiated putting tampons and other items into our vaginas and anuses. At the time I felt guilty and confused. I was very religious and had a lot of shame and unanswered questions about bodily things. It never happened again. Now as an adult I am so worried I was predatory and harmed her. She has never brought this up and I think she may have forgotten. I also forgot about it for many years. We have a good relationship now. I am too ashamed to talk about this with anyone. Am I a predator? Should I talk to her about it?

Thank you for sharing something so difficult and personal with us. What you're describing is a complicated situation that occurred during early adolescence, a time when many children engage in sexual exploration without fully understanding the implications.

It's important to recognize that at 12 years old, you were also a child - one who was experiencing significant body changes and likely had limited education about sexuality and boundaries. Your religious upbringing and the shame you felt around bodily functions likely contributed to your confusion. The fact that you've carried guilt about this interaction for so long and are concerned about your cousin's wellbeing shows your compassion and moral awareness.

At the age of 12, you were navigating new and confusing changes in your own body, and it's common for young people to have curiosity about bodily functions and anatomy, especially during significant milestones like getting your first period. Children and adolescents are still developing their understanding of boundaries, personal space, and the effects of their actions on others. You were both children at the time, and neither of you had the full capacity to comprehend the complexities of the situation.

Research indicates that sexual behaviors between children are common and often stem from curiosity rather than predatory intent. What distinguishes these interactions from abuse often includes factors like significant age differences, power imbalances, coercion, or patterns of repeated behavior - none of which seem to characterize your single interaction as you've described it.

The guilt you're experiencing now may be because you're applying your adult understanding and knowledge to a situation that happened when you were a child with limited understanding. This is a normal reaction, but it's important to contextualize the event within your developmental stage at the time. It's possible that she doesn't harbor negative feelings about the incident, especially given that you maintain a good relationship and she hasn't brought it up.

Regarding whether to discuss this with your cousin, this is a personal decision with no single right answer. If she appears to have forgotten and shows no signs of trauma, bringing it up might create distress where none existed. However, if you believe addressing it could be healing for either of you, speaking with a trauma-informed therapist first would be advisable.

If these feelings continue to weigh on you, consider seeking support from a professional counselor who specializes in sexual issues or childhood experiences. This would provide a confidential space to work through your feelings of guilt and shame, and help you determine healthy next steps based on your specific situation. Remember that seeking help is a sign of strength and responsibility, not weakness.

Be gentle with yourself. Acknowledging your feelings is a significant step toward understanding and healing. You're not alone, and support is available to help you navigate this. Thank you so much for trusting us.