How do I start telling my story?

Dr. Laura

Answer by Dr. Laura

PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner

Starting to tell your story is such a significant step. Thank you for asking us about this! Sharing your story can begin in quiet, gentle ways. You might find that writing down what happened feels more manageable at first, allowing you to release thoughts onto paper without worrying about anyone else's reactions. This could be in a journal, notes on your phone, or even just fragments of thoughts as they come to you. Some people find that creative expression through art, poetry, or music helps them access and communicate their experiences in ways that feel safer than direct words.

When you do feel ready to share with another person, you get to choose who that person is and how much you tell them. Some people begin by confiding in a single trusted friend or family member, choosing someone who's known to be compassionate and patient. Others find solace in connecting with a local crisis center or an advocacy group that understands the impact of trauma and provides a sense of safety and understanding. You might start with just the basics or share as much detail as feels right in that moment. It's completely okay to say "I'm not ready to talk about all of it yet" or "I need to take breaks while I'm telling you this."

It helps to remind yourself that you can decide what to share and when, and there's no fixed timeline or script you have to follow. Simply voicing a few feelings at a time can be enough. Some survivors find it easier to start their story from where they are now rather than from the beginning of what happened. You might talk about how you're feeling today, what support you need, or what prompted you to want to share. The chronological details can come later if and when you're ready.

If you feel nervous or overwhelmed, it can help to pause, take a few slow breaths, and remind yourself that your story belongs to you and should only be shared in ways that feel right to you. Starting small doesn't diminish the importance of what you've gone through. It just allows you to move at a pace your emotions can handle. Remember that telling your story isn't a one-time event. You might share different parts with different people at different times, and each time you tell it, you may remember new things or understand your experience differently. Over time, you might find that each time you speak or write about your experience, it feels a little less daunting, and you regain some of the control that was taken from you. You're in control of your own narrative, you deserve to be heard, and only you get to decide how that happens. 

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Grounding activity

Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:

5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)

4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)

3 – things you can hear

2 – things you can smell

1 – thing you like about yourself.

Take a deep breath to end.

From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.

Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).

Take a deep breath to end.

Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:

1. Where am I?

2. What day of the week is today?

3. What is today’s date?

4. What is the current month?

5. What is the current year?

6. How old am I?

7. What season is it?

Take a deep breath to end.

Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.

Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.

Take a deep breath to end.

Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.

Take a deep breath to end.