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Answer by Dr. Laura
PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner
Thank you for your openness in sharing this difficult experience. Your willingness to reflect on your past actions and seek guidance is a positive step towards learning and growth. It's important to acknowledge that early exposure to inappropriate content can profoundly impact a young person's understanding of relationships and boundaries, often leading to harmful behaviors that weren't fully understood at the time.
To those reading who may have been impacted by similar situations, please know that your feelings are valid, and you're not alone. If this topic brings up difficult emotions or memories, it's okay to step away and seek support if needed.
For the individual who submitted this question: The guilt and anxiety you're experiencing are understandable responses to your growing awareness. While it's crucial to hold yourself accountable, it's also important to approach this with self-compassion, recognizing that you were a child grappling with complex issues beyond your full comprehension.
Moving forward involves balancing accountability with personal growth. Consider seeking professional support from a therapist experienced in adolescent issues and trauma. They can provide tools to manage anxiety and guide you through healing. Educating yourself about healthy relationships, consent, and boundaries will be valuable for making better choices in the future.
Your outreach to the individuals involved was a significant step. Continue to respect their boundaries, including their right not to forgive. Focus on using this experience to become a better person and potentially educate others about online safety and healthy relationships, always being mindful of not retraumatizing others.
To all readers: Healing is a journey, and it's okay to struggle and seek help. Whether you've been hurt or have hurt others in the past, your experiences don't define you. With reflection, support, and a commitment to growth, it's possible to move forward in a positive direction while respecting the feelings and experiences of all involved.
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Grounding activity
Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:
5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)
4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)
3 – things you can hear
2 – things you can smell
1 – thing you like about yourself.
Take a deep breath to end.
From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.
Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).
Take a deep breath to end.
Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:
1. Where am I?
2. What day of the week is today?
3. What is today’s date?
4. What is the current month?
5. What is the current year?
6. How old am I?
7. What season is it?
Take a deep breath to end.
Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.
Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.
Take a deep breath to end.
Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.
Take a deep breath to end.