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Does anyone else feel like you made everything up? Like it’s all fake and it never happened?
Answer by Dr. Laura
PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner
Many times after a traumatic event, our brains can feel disorganized and chaotic. "Am I remembering it wrong?" "Maybe it didn't happen like that." "Did I make that part up?" These questions are not uncommon to have.
Sometimes, your brain can evoke a defense mechanism which represses your memory of the trauma, or perhaps due to the stress of the moment, you may only remember very specific details of your experience. Trauma memories are often not as coherent as regular ones. You may remember something specific like a smell, a sensation, or feeling more than the actual details of the situation itself. While this is your brain trying to protect you, it can feed your self-doubt.
If you begin to doubt your experience or feel like you made everything up, run through any facts that you know are true. Where you were, what time you were there, who you were there with, etc. You can also try writing down what you remember in a journal so you can revisit it when you need to. Memories tend to fade with time, so the closer to the situation you can write things down the better.
Be aware of gaslighting. Gaslighting is when someone manipulates another person to question their sanity or reality. If you notice someone is gaslighting you, identifying the problem is an important first step. Remind yourself that your feelings are valid and that you deserve to be heard and believed. You are the expert of your own experience.
Memories can be seen through a new lens over time. You may not be able to remember exactly what happened or every detail of the situation, but you will remember how you felt. Honor those feelings. Harboring self-doubt can lead to self-blame or can cause you to justify what happened as if you weren't the victim of the situation.
Remember no matter what the circumstances were, nothing justifies what you have experienced. Resist trying to compare your experiences to the experiences of others and recognize that no trauma narrative is cut and dry. Speak to a trusted professional or someone you love if your gut is telling you something bad happened to you in the past. You do not need to go through this alone.
We see you. We hear you. We believe you.
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Grounding activity
Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:
5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)
4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)
3 – things you can hear
2 – things you can smell
1 – thing you like about yourself.
Take a deep breath to end.
From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.
Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).
Take a deep breath to end.
Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:
1. Where am I?
2. What day of the week is today?
3. What is today’s date?
4. What is the current month?
5. What is the current year?
6. How old am I?
7. What season is it?
Take a deep breath to end.
Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.
Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.
Take a deep breath to end.
Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.
Take a deep breath to end.