Can it still be considered sexual assault or abuse if the person was the same age as me? They didn't directly pressure me into intimacy in the moment, but they had been manipulating me into doing what they wanted in other ways for three years leading up to it. Does the history of manipulation matter?

This is such an important question thank you for asking it. When we talk about consent, it's easy to focus narrowly on what happened in the moment: Was there direct pressure? Did someone say no? But true consent requires so much more than the absence of force or explicit coercion in a single instance. Consent requires the genuine freedom to say yes or no without fear of consequences, and that freedom can be deeply compromised by patterns of manipulation that have been built up over time. Three years of someone conditioning you to comply with what they wanted creates a dynamic where your ability to freely choose is fundamentally affected, even if they didn't overtly pressure you during the intimate encounter itself.

Manipulation works precisely because it's often subtle and cumulative. Over time, it can reshape how you see yourself in relation to another person. For example, what you feel you owe them, what you believe will happen if you don't go along, how much space you feel you have to assert your own needs and boundaries. When someone has spent years training you to prioritize their wants, your "choice" in an intimate moment doesn't exist in a vacuum. It exists within the entire context of that relationship and the power dynamic that was carefully constructed long before that moment arrived.

The fact that this person was the same age as you does not disqualify your experience from being harmful, abusive, or assaultive. Peers can absolutely create power imbalances through manipulation, emotional control, and other coercive behaviors. Age equality does not automatically equal power equality. What matters is the dynamic between you and a dynamic shaped by three years of manipulation is not one built on mutual respect and freely given choice.

You don't need anyone else to label your experience for you. Only you can determine what feels true about what happened. But I want you to know that if what you're describing doesn't sit right with you (if it feels like something was taken from you or like your ability to choose was truly compromised) those feelings make complete sense given what you've shared. You deserved a relationship where your boundaries and autonomy were respected, not one where years of manipulation laid the groundwork for someone to get what they wanted. Whatever you decide to call this experience, your feelings about it are valid, and you deserve support as you process it.