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As someone who is constantly overthinking, how do I know my sexuality? Is it simply time? I would consider myself bisexual but sometimes I worry that I only like women even though I've never dated one and am in a committed relationship with a man that I love. Sorry if I sound horrible.

Answer written by a PhD Prepared Mental Health Nurse

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings so openly. Questioning and exploring your sexuality is a normal and healthy part of the human experience. Overthinking can make these feelings seem even more complicated, but it's important to remember that sexuality can be fluid and doesn't always fit into neat categories. Many people, especially those who tend to overthink, find themselves reflecting deeply on their identity and experiences at different points in their lives. 

Sexuality exists on a spectrum and can be shift and change throughout our lives. Understanding your sexuality is a personal journey, and there's no definitive timeline or checklist for determining who you are. You don't need to have dated or been intimate with someone of a particular gender to validate your attraction to them. Many people realize their attractions without having dated others, while for others, experiences can provide clarity.

Being in a committed relationship with someone you love doesn't invalidate any feelings you might have towards others. It's completely possible to be bisexual while in a relationship with a man. Your relationship is no less meaningful or genuine because of your attractions, and being with a man doesn't make your attraction to women any less real. Many bisexual people experience what's sometimes called the "bi-cycle," where the intensity of attraction to different genders fluctuates over time.

Try to be gentle with yourself during this process of self-discovery. Your identity is yours alone to define, and it's okay if that definition shifts or becomes clearer over time. Rather than seeking absolute certainty, which can fuel overthinking, consider embracing the complexity of your feelings. It might help to talk to trusted friends or a professional who can provide support as you reflect on your feelings. Remember, you're not alone in this journey, and many people have walked a similar path. What matters most is that you honor your authentic self and your commitments in ways that align with your values. Thank you so much for trusting us with this. You are not alone.

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